Domme Bites: What’s the Difference Between a Fetish and a Kink?

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People tend to use these words interchangeably, but there’s an actual difference between the two.

“In general, a fetish is a sexual fixation on a specific object or act that is absolutely necessary to a person’s sexual gratification.”

“Kink, on the other hand, is a broader term that encompasses a bunch of alternative sexual interests, preferences or fantasies that go beyond your run-of-the-mill missionary sex.”

As I like to tell my submissive, “Use your words!” So, let’s make sure we get them right, people. 😉

You can read the full article here.

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Domme Bites: What Makes a Good Sub? Dominatrixes Explain

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While I am a lifestyle domme, I have nothing but respect for ethical pro-dommes. This article from Vice focuses on what some professional dommes believe makes a good sub. Takeaways include explore your kinks, be vocal and specific, understand your limits and that you can always say no, check in and communicate, and don’t mistake your domme for your therapist.

Aside from the last tip, I think this is a great list for bottoms and subs who are seeing lifestyle dommes as well. (If you’re in a romantic relationship or have a good friendship with your domme, I think it’s totally appropriate to share your everyday worries and concerns.)

If you want to read the full article at Vice, click here.

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Book Blurb: Bound: A Daughter, a Domme, and an End-of-Life Story

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Wow! This book is going on my reading list. Not only does it explore femdom, also mother daughter relationships and the health care system. That’s not something you read about together every day.

“What happens when a forty-something, community college sociology professor learns that her mother—a charming, passive-aggressive, and needy woman who hasn’t had a lover in decades—has started seeing men who want to be bound, whipped, and sexually dominated? What happens when that same mother, shortly after diving into her newly discovered sexuality, develops a cancer that forces her to accept radical changes to her body, and then another that forces her, and everyone around her, to confront her mortality?”

Check out more about this book here.

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Domme Bites: Can Kink Help Control Chronic Pain?

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According to a study in Disability Studies Quarterly, practicing BDSM can help some people with chronic pain.

At first glance, this might seem counterintuitive. As author Emma Sheppard says, “Why would someone who lives with chronic pain want more pain?” But the difference is that kink pain is “chosen pain,” that lasts for a specific amount of time, as opposed to chronic pain, which is definitely non-consensual and ongoing. In addition, chronic pain often leaves victims of it feeling out of control.

In opposition, Sheppard says, “In using pain within their play, participants were able to engage emotionally with their pain, and with their bodily selves, in a controlled space, and in ways in which they were in control, rather than relying on the judgement of medics or caregivers. This is because in kink, they had the ability to decide how they received pain, and to call a stop to any activity—as well as the knowledge that the pain is temporary.”

If you’re a kinky spoonie or just have one in your life, you should definitely check this full study out. I found it pretty fascinating.

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Domme Bites: Using Kink to Help Remain Sober

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Here’s an interesting first hand article about a woman who uses kink to help her maintain her sobriety. People in the Scene might not be surprised about this.

First, alcohol and drug use is generally frowned upon when practicing BDSM because of safety and consent concerns. And BDSM play can light up similar receptors in the brain to those lit up from drug use, allowing people to get a natural high.

Check out the article here. I wish good luck to this lady exploring her sexuality and taking control of her life.

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Domme Bites: Submissive Men Rejoice: Fetish Wear is Coming into Fashion

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Lucky for you, if you’ve got a closet full of fetish wear (or even a drawer you hide from the kids), you’re going to be extra stylish next year! This article from GQ UK says that BDSM inspired looks are going to be fashionable for men next winter.

Ladies, don’t pout. You know you can always rock a latex dress and thigh high boots.

This is fairly silly, since what we see on the runway doesn’t always translate to the grocery store or the office. But who knows? I know I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing some cute guys in tight fitting leather strutting down the street.

Read the entire article here.

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Ok Cupid Aims to Be Inclusive for Kinksters

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New ads for OK Cupid are intentionally targeting dommes and subs! The ads, which are debuting now in North America, are attempting to show that, “Like past campaigns, OkCupid is committed to diverse representation (the platform has 22 options for gender and 13 for sexual orientation), and several pieces of creative—some of it saucy—hyper-target those specific audiences.”

Two specific ads include:

“It’s okay to want someone who’s into both NPR and S&M.”

“It’s okay to want an equal during the day and a dom at night.”

Indeed! And especially both NPR and S&M. Studies show that kinksters are a rather intellectual group.

Read the full story here.

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Domme Bites: You Know What They Say About Big Brains, Don’t You?

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That people into BDSM have them.

A recent study confirmed that people who are into BDSM are typically highly educated. More than one-third had a university degree, with an additional 21% having a college degree. 70% had a higher education (ie, bachelor’s or master’s degree), compared to 34% in the general population.

I can’t say this particularly surprises me. Most people I know who are into kink enjoy the intellectual component as much as if not more than the physical one.

Check out the full study here from Sexual Medicine.

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Domme Bites: Belgian BDSM Study Reveals Comparison to Runner’s High

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The University of Antwerp conducted a study at a local kink club and monitored them through the use of questionnaires, blood samples, algometers (to measure pain threshold), GSR sensors (to monitor stress), and heart rate monitors.

They found positive stress responses in BDSM practitioners that were similar to what we think of as a “runner’s high.” These kinds of feelings can also be produced when watching horror movies or riding roller coasters. But the study found that with BDSM, “the pleasure of intimacy or sexuality increases that feeling even more.”

And if you’ve ever wondered what dominants get out of play, the study also revealed that for dominants, “the pleasure response was mainly linked to power play, which revolves around a power imbalance, and less so to pain play.”

You can read the full article here. The study will be published in the academic Journal of Sexual Medicine.

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