While I am a lifestyle domme, I have nothing but respect for ethical pro-dommes. This article from Vice focuses on what some professional dommes believe makes a good sub. Takeaways include explore your kinks, be vocal and specific, understand your limits and that you can always say no, check in and communicate, and don’t mistake your domme for your therapist.
Aside from the
last tip, I think this is a great list for bottoms and subs who are seeing
lifestyle dommes as well. (If you’re in a romantic relationship or have a good
friendship with your domme, I think it’s totally appropriate to share your
everyday worries and concerns.)
If you want to read the full article at Vice, click here.
Wow! This book is going
on my reading list. Not only does it explore femdom, also mother daughter
relationships and the health care system. That’s not something you read about together
“What happens when a
forty-something, community college sociology professor learns that her mother—a
charming, passive-aggressive, and needy woman who hasn’t had a lover in
decades—has started seeing men who want to be bound, whipped, and sexually
dominated? What happens when that same mother, shortly after diving into her
newly discovered sexuality, develops a cancer that forces her to accept radical
changes to her body, and then another that forces her, and everyone around her,
to confront her mortality?”
According to a study in Disability Studies Quarterly, practicing BDSM can help some people with chronic pain.
first glance, this might seem counterintuitive. As author Emma Sheppard says, “Why would someone who lives with chronic pain
want more pain?” But the difference is that kink pain is “chosen
pain,” that lasts for a specific amount of time, as opposed to chronic pain,
which is definitely non-consensual and ongoing. In addition, chronic pain often
leaves victims of it feeling out of control.
In opposition, Sheppard
says, “In using pain within their play, participants were able to engage emotionally
with their pain, and with their bodily selves, in a controlled space, and in
ways in which they were in control, rather than relying on the judgement of
medics or caregivers. This is because in kink, they had the ability to decide
how they received pain, and to call a stop to any activity—as well as the
knowledge that the pain is temporary.”
If you’re a kinky spoonie or just have one in your life, you should definitely check this full study out. I found it pretty fascinating.
Here’s an interesting first hand article about a woman who uses kink to help her maintain her sobriety. People in the Scene might not be surprised about this.
First, alcohol and drug use is generally frowned upon when practicing BDSM because of safety and consent concerns. And BDSM play can light up similar receptors in the brain to those lit up from drug use, allowing people to get a natural high.
Check out the article here. I wish good luck to this lady exploring her sexuality and taking control of her life.
Lucky for you, if you’ve got a closet full of fetish wear (or even a drawer you hide from the kids), you’re going to be extra stylish next year! This article from GQ UK says that BDSM inspired looks are going to be fashionable for men next winter.
Ladies, don’t pout. You know you can always rock a latex dress
and thigh high boots.
This is fairly silly, since what we see on the runway doesn’t
always translate to the grocery store or the office. But who knows? I know I
certainly wouldn’t mind seeing some cute guys in tight fitting leather
strutting down the street.
New ads for OK Cupid are intentionally
targeting dommes and subs! The ads, which are debuting now in North America, are
attempting to show that, “Like
past campaigns, OkCupid is committed to diverse representation (the platform
has 22 options for gender and 13 for sexual orientation), and several pieces of
creative—some of it saucy—hyper-target those specific audiences.”
“It’s okay to want someone who’s into both NPR and S&M.”
“It’s okay to want an equal during the day and a dom at night.”
And especially both NPR and S&M. Studies show that kinksters are a rather
study confirmed that people who are into BDSM are typically highly educated. More than
one-third had a university degree, with an additional 21% having a college
degree. 70% had a higher education (ie, bachelor’s or master’s degree), compared
to 34% in the general population.
I can’t say this particularly surprises me. Most people I know
who are into kink enjoy the intellectual component as much as if not more than
the physical one.
Check out the full study here from Sexual Medicine.
The University of
Antwerp conducted a study at a local kink club and monitored them through the
use of questionnaires, blood samples, algometers (to measure pain threshold),
GSR sensors (to monitor stress), and heart rate monitors.
They found positive
stress responses in BDSM practitioners that were similar to what we think of as
a “runner’s high.” These kinds of feelings can also be produced when watching
horror movies or riding roller coasters. But the study found that with BDSM, “the pleasure of intimacy or sexuality increases that
feeling even more.”
And if you’ve ever wondered what
dominants get out of play, the study also revealed that for dominants, “the
pleasure response was mainly linked to power play, which revolves around a
power imbalance, and less so to pain play.”
You can read the full article here. The study will be published in the academic Journal of Sexual Medicine.