A Little Money, Honey…

In my post about findom, I said I wanted to talk more about money as flirtation online.

Now, I am talking about within a transactional relationship. If I were to meet someone totally randomly online—or certainly in person—I would not expect that person to start giving me money or things.

In fact, not only would I not expect that, but it would creep me out. Would I like little gifts? Sure. If they were meaningful. A book. A teacup with my name engraved upon it. Something that referenced an inside joke between us.

But once when I was a lot younger I did meet someone who started gifting me expensive things very quickly, and it actually made me very uncomfortable because I felt like he was moving too fast, and I worried it would make me feel beholden to him in a way I didn’t want to feel.

So, I guess what I want to say or show is that I don’t think I am normally very materialistic within relationships. It isn’t what people give me that makes me like them or not. It’s who they are and how they make me feel.

But when I started doing Niteflirt, I began to realize that I really loved getting tributes/tips from men I talked to. And yes, obviously I liked it because I was there to make money! I wasn’t there out of the goodness of my own heart (although I have grown quite fond of some of the people I talk to and have even developed feelings for some and crushes on a few).

But it was more than that. It was more than just the money.

It was a strange way of flirting within a contained environment.

The truth is that I talk to a lot of men. So, if a man goes out of his way to tip me, to “tribute” me, or he buys a lot of my audio recordings, or calls me a lot, it’s obvious that he really likes me. And that makes me like him. I like that he appreciates me, and that makes me appreciate him and want to be very sweet to him.

It just makes me feel special.

And I really like feeling special.

This is a strange feeling for me, because while I like nice things, I do not, almost universally, like people for what they can give to me or do for me. But in this strange online environment where I am being paid for my time, that extra gift, regular calls, even regular texts just to say hello—they make me feel like I stand out to someone, and I love the attention.

I have had a few situations where I’ve met someone outside of NF, people I liked enough to consider talking to them (for money) outside of that contained environment. But they have generally gone sideways because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to really have any kind of romantic or sexual relationship outside of what I ALREADY have and yet it started to feel weird or uncomfortable to ask them to pay me because I genuinely liked them.

In an alternate universe, maybe there would (or wouldn’t have been) something there. But in this one, I was full up on emotional labor. And talking about sex all day actually makes it harder to keep that sexual excitement in my personal life.

It’s so much easier to keep things within the constrained environment where the boundaries are clear. I adore my “special” online admirers who make me feel special, and I adore making them happy and making them feel special.

But that is all possible within the fantasy world we play in together, where I am never bitchy (unless it’s on purpose) and never need intense emotional support and never make anyone listen to why my family drives me insane. I feel like it’s fair tradeoff. Otherwise, I am just the wife or girlfriend you complain about to me. 😉

I Did the Phone Sex. (And Liked It.)

I’m a little biased, but I think this is a very sexy picture of my mouth.

Hello, my darling deviants! (I really like this greeting.  It may stick around.)

So, I debated whether or not to write this post, but I shall tell you a secret. 

I did THE phone sex.

I mean, I created a Niteflirt account a week or two ago. (It took me forever because you have to know HTML and get it approved, and I was like…what am I doing!!!! But then I finally got it up two days ago.)

And last night when I couldn’t sleep, I decided to try it.

And I liked it! I really did. It was a lot of fun. (Of course, I listed myself in the Mistress category.)

And a little scary. And a little like I have no idea what I’m doing, and I hope these people don’t give me bad ratings.

But it was also exciting and anticipatory. And the men were quite nice. I’m sure some are jerks, but I got lucky and had very polite callers. I will not reveal anything about them here.

Now…why was I afraid to share this here?

Well, this blog is real. I am a real woman. I have these very real desires, and I have very real relationships in which I enact these desires in a loving way. I didn’t create this blog to troll for phone sex callers—although I did create it to do SOMETHING with my love of writing and talking about kink.

I’ve gradually realized that I really enjoy the feedback from my stories and audio recordings, and I like interacting with people who read and listen.  But I am also trying to make some money! And I had often toyed with the idea of trying phone sex over the years, but I was just too scared. I thought I might be awful at it. (I might be awful at it. I guess I’ll see.)

Phone sex is fantasy. I do think you can probably develop real relationships with callers, but we aren’t going to meet in person, and unlike in my IRL sex and kink where I AM in control, in phone sex, even femdom phone sex, I really only have the illusion of control. Because I’m essentially acting as a service top. People are paying me for a service. And that’s ok. That’s fine and fun. But it’s fantasy.

In fact, the hardest part of the calls I took last night was figuring out what people wanted. It would have been nice if someone said, “I’m really into edging until I’m a quivering mess, and I love it when you talk about my leaking pre-cum and keeping me in a cage like your pet and use lots of ‘good boys’ on me.” Or, “I just want to chit chat about how I have a thing for white fishnets.”

But, alas, that did not happen. And so I ended up in a strange place of having to ask people what they liked and wanted, which probably breaks the illusion. But if there is a smoother way to do that, I will have to learn it.

So, there is a part of me that didn’t want to share this information here, because I worried that if people knew I was trying out phone sex, they would see me as a character and not as genuine. But then there was a part of me that DID want to share it, because:

  1. Marketing. Duh.
  2. This blog is partially about my life, and this is my life.
  3. It’s kind of fascinating! I have never done any paid sex work before.

So…I will provide you with my listing IF you want to call and talk to me or chat. I might talk about this here sometimes or I might not. I might keep doing this or I might not.

The Gentle Domme on Niteflirt

It’s an experiment!