I’ve been getting more and more requests for custom audios and chatting and talking on convenient platforms. I’ll be honest. I HATE discussing pricing. I like doing what I do and giving people, including myself, enjoyable experiences or (unenjoyable experiences that they enjoy). I don’t like haggling or making things feel transactional.
So, I have thought carefully about pricing and what seem to be industry rates for things. I want to be fair to people who want my time, because I am genuinely flattered and love the adoration. And I really enjoy talking with so many of the people I meet. Sometimes, quite a lot. 😉 But I also need to be fair to myself and feel good about the value I’m providing. And I am quite a value. 😉
I’ve put together pricing for both custom audiosand chatting/phone conversations on convenient platforms. I am still very happy to talk on Niteflirt. I really like it, but I recognize that it doesn’t work well for some people.
So, if you’re interested in this, feel free to check out the links with more information and email me. Thanks!
If you follow me on Reddit, you know I’m pretty regularly releasing audio smut. Some of it is free, and some of it I sell on Niteflirt. I’m thinking about some other options for people who would like to enjoy my paid smut but don’t want to join Niteflirt, which I totally understand. However, many payment providers don’t like to deal with sex work, so I am not sure what to use.
I initially tried Patreon, but I didn’t get any interest, so I pulled my listing. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
ALSO, here is some sexy new smut that someone wrote for me. This isn’t my script. Just my sultry voice giving you a little free (and fake) medical advice!
Yesterday’s post was getting so long! So, I decided to break it up into parts. Yesterday, I was writing about how subby guys can write a nice profile on Fetlife if they’re looking for a relationship.
A caveat. Fetlife isn’t a dating site. Yada yada. Everyone says this. And it’s true. But lots of people do use it to find partners. You can totally be on Fetlife NOT looking for relationships. You should absolutely feel free to do whatever you want there. These are simply my suggestions for how to write a profile that stands above others.
I also totally forgot to mention names. I strongly suggest not having a name like Slave4U4Ever or BitchBoy98762. Why? Well, they aren’t creative. And they totally lead with your kinks, which is a big no no. Women worth investing time in aren’t looking for a KINK. They are looking for a PERSON. You are not a slave. Yes, you may fantasize about being a slave. But you are not one. Your name is John or Bill or Ted or whatever, and you are a human being. Act like one.
Okay. So, let’s get down to it. I’m going to do a sample profile for a subby guy who likes sci-fi, board games and some sports. (I don’t know much about sports.) Kinkwise, he’s into bondage, tickling and cuckolding, among other things.
Hi! I’m CthuluforPresident!
Tentacle monsters are my jam. Also basketball. Go, Lakers! And occasionally being tied up for women’s amusement.
I’m mostly here to meet new people and learn more about myself. And form a kinky D&D club in my city. Unless there already is one? If not, why isn’t there?
As you can probably tell, I have a thing for sci-fi. I love Orson Scott Card and Neal Stephenson. “SevenEves” was amazing! I also liked “The Martian,” the book and the movie, and I just finished reading “The Three Body Project.” Did you like it as much as I did? If so, let’s talkl!
I’m also into sports. (Insert things about sports if you know about them.) I try to stay active. I’m into hiking and skiing, and would love to find some hiking buddies in the area. And I also love tabletop games. I DO actually play in a local D&D game, and you can usually find me haunting the local game shop when a new title comes out.
As for kink, my biggest interests right now are bondage, tickling and cuckolding. (I’m not going to tell you where I’m ticklish. Finding out is half the fun.) But I’m always open to learning more about my likes and dislikes, especially with a guiding partner.
I’m definitely interested in being more active in the community and finding my “dream domme,” but that can be especially hard during COVID. I’m open to all kinds of connections with people in my area, including friendships and relationships. So, please feel free to say hi–giant tentacle monsters included. I’m very inclusive.
So, this is a random profile pretending to be a guy. I don’t know if I nailed it. But I think it’s a decent approximation of what a nice profile looks like. It doesn’t take itself too seriously. It tells about the person. It doesn’t lead with kinks but doesn’t ignore them either. It shows some flexibility. It asks for people to reach out and say hello regardless of romantic intent, which is non-threatening.
Let me know what you think? Do you think your Fetlife profile is awesome and want to share it? (I know. No pressure.) Let me know!
I’ve written about Fetlife messages before, mostly the lame ones that get guys tossed in the trash bin.
Hello, Generic Mistress/Queen/Goddess,
It’s clear this is copy pasta and how can I serve you mmm….I’ll bet your pussy tastes so good. I love dominates. Cuckold my pathetic tiny penis, please. Love, your pathetic servant forever.
PS. I’ll do ANYTHING for you.
Ha ha. I’m so mean.
It’s really the “dominate” that gets me. I feel like if you don’t know the difference between dominate and dominant, it’s not going to work between us.
BUT….I do digress!
Today, I’m NOT going to write about Fetlife messages. NO. I am going to write about Fetlife profiles, specifically for subby men. And I feel that I am qualified to do this because:
My personal Fetlife profile is totally awesome. You’ll never get to see it. Sad for you.
I met my BF on Fetlife because HE had an awesome profile that interested me. So, this is totally non-scientific anecdotal proof that you can meet toppy women on Fetlife if you seem interesting! (And cute. I mean, cute doesn’t hurt.)
So, what I wanted to talk about was my suggestions for subby guys creating a profile on Fetlife for the purposes of meeting women. (If that’s not what you care about, feel free to totally disregard and go on with your bad self.) I want to talk about some things to avoid, and some things I think make a good profile. Let’s dig in.
No penis pictures. Out of the gate, this is just a no. MAYBE you can have one VERY artfully penis shot somewhere in your pictures, but you are slipping that one in under the radar. Under absolutely NO CIRCUMSTANCES ever, do you make that your profile pictures. Double no for a caged cock. Nobody cares. Double double triple no for your asshole. Plugged or unplugged. All it says is, “Serve my penis, please random woman.”
I totally get that many people don’t want to show their faces on Fetlife. I have very few face pictures, and they are set to friends only. But if you can’t show your face, or part of your face (the smile is nice..or eyes), then try to show some kind of body shot with some personality. You don’t have to be hiking or skiing or do the popular yoga OKCupid poses, but you want your profile picture to give people some sense of your character.
If you have a nice body, there’s no harm in showing it off. But not naked. You can have an artful naked pic or two in your pictures, but your profile picture should be clothed or at least wearing pants. I mean, unless you are totally hot. In which case, you don’t need any of this advice. Just be gorgeous. The ladies will flock. I am assuming you’re like a relatively normal looking person. I’m also even going to suggest NOT using fetish wear in your profile pic. I do love a cute boy in panties, but I don’t want to feel he’s leading with that.
Pictures are great. They give people a sense of who you are. You can always include funny memes or pictures of things that are really important to you. Pets. Cars. Books. Hobbies. Remember that you’re trying to make connections with people. Give them something to identify with in your pictures and your words. I know it’s harder for me to be seductive in photos than women, but get a little familiar with filters and how to frame a shot. Women almost always are careful about the photos they present. You should be too.
Okay. Let’s move past pictures and go to the actual profile now. The number one thing I DO NOT want you to do is lead with your kinks. Want to be approached by predatory women who aren’t actually interested in a relationship? Then make it clear that you aren’t either by ONLY focusing on how much you love bondage or cuckolding or SPH or chastity or whatever your kinks are. Yes. Fetlife is a kink site, but it’s like kinky Facebook. I can tell you that I don’t care at all if you like tease and denial if I see nothing else interesting about you as a person. I am not looking for a T&D object. I’m looking for a person I like who also happens to like T&D.
Subby guys tend to make this mistake because….I don’t really know why. They get this idea that the woman they’re looking for has some kind of checklist in her head about the things she wants a partner to DO for her…how he can SERVE her. Now, I am not a service oriented domme, and I know I’m biased because of that. But I really believe that if you are looking for an actual relationship, you don’t want to be in one with a woman who only cares about the service you can provide to her and not about who you are as an actual person. So, I strongly suggest not listing off the things you want to DO for a domme. In fact, I strongly suggest not focusing on other people at all—but instead just focusing on what makes you an interesting person.
So, that gets to the meat and potatoes. You talk about yourself. I know not everyone can be as witty as me. 😉 But you don’t really have to be witty or funny, although it doesn’t hurt. What you want to do is introduce yourself. Tell people a little about who you are and the things you like. Being specific is really good. Don’t just say, “I like watching TV and movies.” Say, “I like sci-fi. Star Trek over Star Wars forever.” Don’t just say, “I like music.” Say, “I have listened to the Hamilton soundtrack three times a day for over a year.” (That’s just me.) Whatever you say, just remember that you are looking to make connections—not in a creepy way. In a normal way. What do you look for when you meet other people? Things you have in common. Things you find interesting about them. You want to give people a chance to find those same things in you.
Well, this has gotten very long! I will follow up tomorrow with an example profile. I hope this helped. If you disagree with me—well, you are wrong. But you can free to tell me so. 😉
Have a great day and feel free to give me money if you land an amazing domme because of my ultimate wisdom. I’ll also take an invite to the wedding.
I’m back! And now I have to think about things to write about. Because I know you can’t wait to hear what’s rolling around inside this marble of mine.
What I actually thought I would talk about today is restraints. Not as in the restraint I require from you not touching yourself, but as in the restraints that tie you up.
To be totally honest, tying men up isn’t really my kink. I know. I feel like that might have made some people sad. My feeling is always that you’re with me because you want to be, and I don’t need to pretend that you want to get away. It’s hotter to me that you DON’T want to get away, and you’re choosing to be my little toy.
But I also like reactions, so if my partner likes getting bound, then I’ll totally do it. I also have my fabulous set of pink cuffs that made me feel both cute and seductive and evil all at the same time.
I also have some of those under the bed cheapo Velcro restraints that are always weirdly not the same length, so one foot has much more give than the other, no matter how many times I try to fix it.
And I have rope.
When you get into the kink Scene, you discover how much so many—so very very very very many people love rope.
Usually women and the men who want to fuck them.
So so so so so so many male rope tops.
Who like to take up SO MUCH SPACE in the dungeon! (Do I sound bitter? Not at all!)
It’s like the kinky version of man spreading.
Do they really all love the art of Shibari that much or do they just want to get in a subby womens’ skirts? Who can say?
I did try to give it a go with rope. I took some classes. I have a lot of quite nice rope sitting in a backpack somewhere that I finally gave up on when I realized I have the spatial relation skills of a third grader. So, no one gets tied up in rope with me unless you just want me to lasso you, which actually sounds kind of fun, now that I think of it.
I have also used saran wrap to bind my partner, who is very ecologically minded and was therefore somewhat horrified by it, which made it more fun? (Although I should say I totally believe climate change is real.) I bound him to a chair that way and had my way with him.
And bondage tape. Red. Black. Pink. I like the pink the best. You can reuse it, if you’re careful.
And, of course, scarves! You can’t go wrong with scarves, if you have nothing else handy. Just be careful to check and make sure that you aren’t cutting off someone’s circulation! A trip to the emergency room is NOT a fun way to end a scene.
I do understand what’s so sexy about being restrained. It makes you feel more powerless, more submissive, more controlled. It adds to the feeling of helplessness and more easily puts you into subspace—into that place where you feel that you have no choice and you just need to accept or enjoy or endure what your domme is dishing out.
It’s also tactile. It gives you something to push on and pull against. It can envelop you, even help you feel safe and protected in your captivity
Now that I think about it, it’s all pretty hot! Maybe I need to get the cuffs out more often.
I have a temporary set up from which to write. I realize how spoiled I am. I normally have two screens and a big desk, and I am always shifting all my web windows around. Now I’m on my tiny laptop screen, and I’ve plugged in my clacky keyboard I love. Clack. Clack. Clack.
But that’s not what I wanted to write about today. That was the intro..like the annoying thing some podcasters do when they start a show ostensibly about some topic and then banter back and forth about trivialities for the first 15 minutes. I hate that. And I did it.
No. I had this funny thought occurred to me the other night about the phone sex thing. I thought, “I wonder if my callers look down on me?”
I guess what I thought was funny is that it seems so obvious. Right? Our culture most certainly looks down on sex workers, which, if I’m being honest, I am dipping my entire feet into now…wet tongue licked toes and all.
Did I look down on sex workers? Well, I don’t know. I’ve always believed that sex work should be legalized. It seemed to me that selling your body for sex was not much different than selling it by giving a massage. You are providing a service, and it only seemed like puritanical American bullshit that kept it (mostly) illegal.
I also never believed that all sex workers did sex work because they had no other choices. Hell, if I’d looked like a typical stripper when I was twenty, I might have given it a go! Prostitution, I’m not so sure, just because I am quite picky and a bad liar. I’m not sure I could have sex with someone I wasn’t physically attracted to for any amount of money in a way that would make him believe I liked it.
I think I always felt like some women did sex work because they had to and some did it because they wanted to, and I felt protections should be in place for both categories. And then there is the question of–what is sex work? If I write smutty romance novels? Am I sex worker? Probably not? But if I’m sexting or talking with men for money, am I? Maybe?
Joining the Scene, I started meeting some pro dommes, or women who sometimes pro dommed or had in the past. I was much more fascinated than judgmental. I think being a pro domme is a form of sex work, even if no PIV sex is involved, but that doesn’t mean I judge it. It seems hard and something that requires a lot of education and interest to be really good at the job.
But the people I talk to on the phone or mostly over chat, aren’t usually a part of the kink Scene. I talk to quite a few professionals, at least men who claim to be professionals, and I found myself wondering…what do they think of me? Do they think I have no choice but to be doing this? Do they feel sorry for me? Do they feel superior to me? Because I know that my views about sex work are unusual, I think even today, and I think even among some other educated and otherwise progressive women.
Maybe I had that sliver of doubt. Is this something I should feel ashamed about? I am a very educated woman. Do these men imagine me in a trailer somewhere in Idaho with three babies on my hip and a 9th grade education? Do they realize that we could run in the same social circles? I kind of doubt it.
Is it degrading for me to talk to men about kinky sex while they masturbate? But then…why should I feel ashamed about it? I like to masturbate. I like to talk. I like to write. I like sex. If I can make money doing the things I like, and I get to be entrepreneurial and think of crazy things to try–and if I’m also making other people happy while I do it–well, what the hell is wrong with that?
Yesterday I talked about Ms. Rika’s book, Uniquely Rika. Again, I am not a shill for this book. I just liked it, and I think it’s very different than a lot of the other “how to be a femdom” books out there which really focus more on how to be a “fantasy” femdom than actually have a female led relationship.
And, again, I want to say that I also think it’s totally okay to NOT want to have a female led relationship. In all honesty, although I use labels here because they’re convenient, I don’t usually refer to myself as a “domme” IRL or my partner as a “sub,” because I am really just a person who likes certain things. A label is sort of convenient, but it’s also limiting.
And I don’t have a female led relationship. Am I bossy? Yes. Controlling? Sometimes. Is that because I have some agreed upon dynamic where I always get my way and it’s kinky and hot and all subtexty? No. It’s because I’m bossy and neurotic and people who love me learn to deal with it, and I try to work on it to not drive them insane.
Okay. I’m getting a little sidetracked.
What I did want to focus on was the end part of what I mentioned yesterday, where I talked about the WORK of “female dominance.” And you’ll notice that I’m putting “female dominance” in quotations here because it really seems like irony. Doesn’t it?
The fantasy of femdom is that I am superior. I deserve to be worshipped because I’m totally awesome. (Which I am. I mean, duh.) My slaves (I’m really getting into it now…) are there to serve me, to meet my every desire and be used exactly how I want.
Except that really, the serving often tends to involve the pee pee. Doesn’t it?
How do men generally offer to serve me? By allowing me the generous use of their tongues and their penises….more often tongues because why would I even lower myself to actually want a fucking?
And the use often also involves me DOING things to the “sub.” I’ll do anything for you, Mistress, really means…what things are you going to do to my pee pee, Mistress? I don’t want to think about anything, Mistress. I don’t have an imagination. I want to be a passive object, and not in a hot way but in a way where I don’t have to do any work and you have to do all the work but isn’t this hot for you because you get to totally use me and I serve you and I’ll do ANYTHING for you, Mistress, except take some actual initiative.
I’m going to stop calling it a pee pee now. That was getting weird.
So, hold on. This is where I say #notallsubs. My kinky partner is not like this. He treats me like a beloved human being and not a fetish dispenser. And if there are times when I’m like, “You know, I am just not feeling kinky right now,” he understands. And if I say, “I want you to make some decisions,” he makes decisions. I am not accusing all subby guys and bottoms of being like this. I think it tends to be men who have a lot of exposure to femdom in fantasy and not much exposure to femdom in reality.
But I do think that this is where things go sideways in a lot of relationships where you have one person, usually the guy, pushing for kink, and the other person, usually the woman, not very interested. Because although the guy is SAYING, “I want to serve you,” what is really coming across is, “What can you do for me? What can you do to me?”
If you’re with a naturally kinky woman like me who is a reaction junkie and gets off on hearing guys whimper and moan, that’s not a bad proposition. I’m like—sweet—I’m going to edge and deny you and whisper dirty things in your ear and not let you come, and that’s going to turn me on if you make good noises for me.
But even I would start to get annoyed if I felt like everything was all about servicing someone else’s kink. Especially if it didn’t do much for me. And even I have gone through periods where being kinky felt like work. I can’t remember the last time I really planned out a scene…like start to finish with a plan. That kind of thing takes effort. The last thing I want to hear is, “You have total control, goddess. You can do ANYTHING to me.” Because what I hear in that statement is…well, this is going to be a lot of WORK.
Doing the phone sex is different. Because people are paying me for a service. So, while I would certainly rather a guy specifically tell me, I like to fantasize about naked oil wrestling in a baby pool while a woman in a wedding dress swaddles me in the folds of her voluminous fabric, I really cannot complain when someone says they’ll do “anything” for me. Yes, that makes it feel more like work, but it IS work.
But in a relationship, I don’t want my kink to feel like work. I don’t need to feel served all the time either, or even really ever. Not all dominant or toppy women are that into service. Ideally, it would be 50/50, but if you’re in a relationship with a vanilla woman and you are hoping to get her interested in the idea of kinky play, the very last thing you want to make her feel is that this is going to be more work. Instead, make her feel like it’s about her! And not just like in the I’ll give you the honor of sitting on my face kind of way. No. Not unless she has expressed a real desire for some face sitting. I mean in the kind of way that really pleases HER as an individual.