Cuckolding. A Pleasure For Her? Or For Him?

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

A lot of men on Niteflirt call me to talk about cuckolding.

I would say that this might be the number one kink I talk about, although it’s often combined with other kinks, like chastity, small penis humiliation and sissy play.

For some people, it’s totally about the humiliation of feeling “not good enough.” For others, it’s more about seeing their partners enjoy themselves.

(Is this cuckolding? It depends. Some people define it that way, although I think cuckolding generally has an element of humiliation in it. Lots of people like watching their partners have sex with other people and DON’T find it demeaning.)

I like talking about cuckolding to men over the phone, although I don’t do it in my personal life. It’s exciting as fantasy. I enjoy giving playful humiliation. I get excellent reactions from it, and it lends itself to all kinds of other erotic embarrassment fantasies.

Then I had an interesting conversation with a man who asked me if I thought ALL women would secretly want to have cuckolds as husbands.

I’m pretty sure he thought it was a rhetorical question.

But I said, most certainly not. He was surprised.

He asked, “What woman wouldn’t want the option to go have sex with lots of men?”

First, well…lots wouldn’t want to do that just because they are happily monogamous. Not all women crave sexual variety in their partners.

But even the ones that would be interested in having sex with other men…well…my internet friend was missing something important.

I think cuckolding is really a fantasy about the person BEING cuckolded.

Sure. I’m know there are lots of women who are non-monogamous. But I’d wager a bet that the majority of those women are non-mono because:

  1. They want some novelty. (Perhaps want multiple relationships or experiences) Or…
  2. It’s something that spices up their relationship.

You could argue that cuckolding falls under number two of my very short list. And it might. And I’ll bet that for most women into cuckolding, this is a big part of it for them. I’d love to hear from some actual women who are into cuckolding, because I personally don’t know any. And I know a lot of kinky women…if they ARE into cuckolding, they haven’t told me they are or it’s never come up!

But for the number ones in my small list, having sex with someone else would be something they did for THEMSELVES. They wouldn’t likely want to go have sex with another person and then have to tell their partners about in detail for their excitement. Or even perhaps bring men home for an audience. Not only might that feel oppressive, it might also feel non-consensual in a variety of ways.

Cuckolding doesn’t require that. You could certainly have a cuckolding relationship in which the woman got to do whatever she likes without any responsibility to tell her partner about her outside activities.

But I’ve talked to very few men with cuckolding fantasies who I think would be truly happy with that arrangement. Because they get off on the humiliation and knowing about her “indiscretions.” Just having sex with other people and NOT rubbing it in his face is kind of the equivalent of chastity where a guy’s cock is totally neutrally ignored.

And I think this is what the guy I was talking to didn’t understand. Yes. If you cuckold your partner, you get some sexual freedom you might not otherwise have. But you are also probably doing it because it’s a kink for your partner. He’s likely going to want to know what happened.

Maybe it’s a kink for the woman too. Like I said, there are plenty of people who like to fuck outside their relationships consensually, whether by themselves or as couples. But then within that group, you’re looking for a smaller subset of women who enjoy doing that and talking about it because they find humiliation hot.

I know they exist. But are they any kind of majority of women? No. I don’t think so. If they were, I don’t think so many men would be calling me to talk about it!

As for why I’m not interested in cuckolding, it’s twofold. One, I’m very picky (whether I should be or not) and don’t meet a lot of men with whom I want to have sex. Two, I don’t want to humiliate someone I love. It’s not something I eroticize. I do actually have cuckquean fantasies, which is the reverse of cuckolding, but I know myself well enough to know that those desires need to stay in the fantasy realm because I am not emotionally equipped to handle the reality.

If you’re a woman and you ARE into cuckolding, I would love to hear your opinions about what you enjoy about it, and if you think I’m getting it wrong. Theoretically, I talk to lots of men who say they enjoy it, but whether they enjoy it in reality or in their fantasies is really something that only they know. 😉

And Now For Something a Little Bit Different

Sneaky. Sneaky.

Most of my audios are pretty clearly gentle femdom. I usually just start recording with some vague idea or feeling and see what words come out of my mouth. I am a fountain of smut! The pervy language just flows from my lips, usually with lots of “good boys” included.

Last night, though, I started out with an idea of an audio of a next door neighbor coming over and seducing him, and somehow it turned into a cuckquean audio!

I suppose cuckqueaning is still under the femdom umbrella, at least if you’re the cuckcake, which I played in this audio, teasing the man about how his wife might find out about us, hows much better I was than her, and what she would do and say and feel if she caught us. But that’s a little more F/f than I’m used to talking about! I’m used to sweetly embarrassing and humiliating men–not women!

In all honestly, although I don’t have a cuckold kink, I DO have a bit of a cuckquean kink, and I’m not the big letter in that fantasy! I can’t say exactly why. I’m sure it has something to do with exorcising feelings of insecurity, but I find the idea of being slightly humiliated seeing my partner with someone else quite hot.

However, I would likely NEVER do it in real life–not with the humiliation aspect. I’m simply too insecure, and I don’t think I would like it. The fantasy is hot. It’s fun to talk about during sex or think about when I’m spending some time with my trusty vibrator. But in reality? Nope. Too scary. Some fantasies are best left as fantasies.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t find it hot to watch a partner have sex with someone else, but I want to feel in control or at least simply a voyeur watching a show put on for me. I don’t want to feel belittled.

Anyway, this is an unusual audio recording in that if you’re into the premise, I think it’s one that both men AND women could enjoy–whether they fantasize about cheating or being cheated on, and even threatened with discovery. Give it a listen if you’re into that sort of thing. 😉

The Gentle Domme Wonders: Could I Be into Cuckolding?

I spy with my little eye….

I tend to think of myself as…well…a gentle domme. I’ve always been turned off by the stereotypical femdom porn that depicts dommes as being either bored by their subs or hateful of them, and I’ve never thought that kind of porn was very representative of femdom as whole, even in relationships where people liked to play that way at times.

And I think that into that bucket of “things I would never find hot,” I threw cuckolding, small penis humiliation, forced bi and forced feminization because they seemed to focus on humiliating men for perceived flaws. They seemed like they could be REALLY emotionally hurtful.

While I think nothing of calling my partner my eager little slut, that’s because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being either eager or a slut! And I enjoy calling a pretty boy pretty, if he is indeed so! I like pretty men. I see nothing wrong that. Yay for pretty men…especially in panties!

But the idea of calling a man pretty to make him feel BAD…well, that doesn’t make me feel good.

But, yet, I also understand that kink toys with taboo, and that’s quite a lot of the fun of it.

For example, I know that many men into SPH, small penis humiliation, do not have small penises, and they probably know they don’t have small penises. They like feeling humiliated and degraded and they use SPH as a way to get to those feelings.

But I guess in my mind, I always wonder…well…what if they don’t really know that? And what if I’m feeding into an unhealthy worry or perpetuating bad stereotypes that hurt both men and women? So, I’m not sure I’ve ever really allowed myself to consider if I would find that kind of play exciting or not, because I think it might be too emotionally dangerous.

Although why do I draw the line at SPH and not calling someone a slut? Why do I see one as a more fraught perception than the other? I assume because I have been taught that men are much more afraid of having small penises than of being slutty!

Cuckolding is another one of those kinds of kinks, and I especially dislike the obsession with BBC in cuckolding porn and fantasies because I think it’s racist. And it is really hard to get anywhere near cuckolding porn without finding allusions to BBC. It is just a THING in cuckolding.

But beyond that, I admit that the idea of humiliating someone I theoretically care about by telling then how pathetic they are in bed compared to someone better, stronger, more well-endowed…well, I just worry that that is really edge play.

It’s not that their reactions, assuming they liked it, wouldn’t be fun. Oh! They would be fun. It would probably really turn them on, which would turn me on. But there would also be this part of me that knew I would never want to ACTUALLY make someone I loved feel that way.

And yet, I have had group sex. I have had sex numerous times in front of partners. I have watched partners have sex in front of me. Sometimes I participated. Sometimes I didn’t. There was never any humiliation intentionally involved in it, but I also cannot say that a little bit of jealousy doesn’t spice things up.

There is a fine line between hotwifeing and being a voyeur and being a cuckold or cuckquean. How you play out the fantasy depends on the people involved and the intentions behind it.  

Lately, I’ve been thinking a little more about cuckolding—as a fantasy. It isn’t something I would like to incorporate in my real life. But some of the cuckolding erotica I’ve been reading and listening to and even recording is pretty sexy! (I’m talking about cuckolding WITHOUT the racial aspect.)

I think it could be done gently and sweetly with that hint of humiliation that I love. I think it could toy with those feelings of jealousy and possession and not being “good enough” in a way that might arouse those emotions but also smooth them over. I think it could straddle that fine line in a way I didn’t think it could before.

The idea of telling my lover all about how great it was to fuck someone else, how I got something from this other person that I couldn’t get from him, is very erotic, even if in reality I don’t really want to do that.

At least not yet.