FLR stands for female led relationship. 

When people talk about femdom, what they usually talk about is the sexual aspect. They’re talking about bedroom kink where people are playing with sexual roles or where they’re not playing, but tend to leave the idea of the woman in charge in the realm of sexuality. 

An example of the first would be a couple that likes to indulge in fantasy role play when he’s the naughty student and she’s the stern teacher who needs to administer some discipline to him to keep him in line. They might play with some light sadism and masochism or some tease and denial. Bu outside of the fantasy and they fun they have sexually where she’s in charge, their relationship might be entirely egalitarian, where they make decisions together and no one has more power than the other.

An example of the second, where femdom is more than just bedroom play might be chastity. In that couple’s relationship, he gives up the right to have an orgasm and leaves the choice entirely to her. She gets to choose when and how and if he gets to orgasm. This will alter their day to day relationship in a sexual way and might have some influence on how he interacts with her. Men into chastity tend to be very attentive when they’re kept horny. But outside of the sexual arena, this couple might also be egalitarian—again, making decisions together. Or maybe he’s even in charge! Who knows!

An FLR is just what it sounds like. The woman makes the majority or all of the decisions in the relationship—not just sexually, but in aspects of the relationship, such as how the money gets managed, what they eat and where and when, and how household chores are completed.

But there is a different kind of relationship that doesn’t usually get discussed when the media displays images of femdom, and that is the FLR, or female led relationship. 

Honestly, while a lot of FLR couples are kinky, you wouldn’t necessarily need to be to have one, except that the man and woman in the FLR might fetishize her control. An FLR is just what it sounds like. The woman makes the majority or all of the decisions in the relationship—not just sexually, but in aspects of the relationship, such as how the money gets managed, what they eat and where and when, and how household chores are completed. In FLR, the man cedes control of agreed upon choices to his female partner. Although, in like all ethical BDSM, these choices are negotiated and both partners are on board.

So, for example, if a man gives his partner control over his exercise regime, and she tells him not to forget his daily workout even though he doesn’t feel like it that day, he will complete the workout because he agreed to do so based on their negotiations. If he doesn’t, well, that’s a different article-what a domme would do with a sub who didn’t live up to the agreements he made!

The emphasis on control in an FLR is not on sex, or not only on sex. It’s on the dominance that the woman has in the entire relationship. And it’s an agreed upon power dynamic between the couple. Honestly, a fair number of vanilla relationships can look like an FLR, if the man is attentive enough to his partner. But in an FLR, this power dynamic is acknowledged and reinforced by the woman and the man. The man in the couple isn’t just doing what his partner likes because he enjoys doing what she says but because he has agreed to do what she says whether he likes it or not.   

The emphasis on control in an FLR is not on sex, or not only on sex. It’s on the dominance that the woman has in the entire relationship.

In reality, an FLR can look like a lot of things. Like in all BDSM, people who say they live it 24/7 aren’t CONSTANTLY bound up in whips and chains. No. There is day to day life to live. And like in any caring relationship, it would be a rare domme who wouldn’t take her partner’s needs into account, despite her final say. Most of the people in FLRs look like your average every day couple with a man who is simply considerate of his partner. It’s usually only the couple and those privy to their private relationship dynamic who are aware of what’s going on behind the scenes.

One important things to note is that people involved in FLRs can get annoyed at the constant focus on sex in femdom, because to them, it’s about a total relationship choice—not just bedroom games or sexuality, but a way of life. 

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