I don’t talk too much here about ME. I talk about what I do, and I talk about my thoughts on certain topics, usually related to femdom. But I don’t talk a lot about my personal experiences or feelings, largely because I try to protect some of my privacy.
But I’ve had a bit of soul searching over the past couple of days, and it’s caused me to think about what I am like…in friendships, but also in in romantic relationships.
It’s not always easy being in a relationship with me.
I am a good, thoughtful partner. I am honest. I am loving. I am clever. I am kinky, if you like that. I am a good planner. Seriously, this is a good quality in a partner. I am always prepared!
I like to give gifts. I like to surprise people I love. I like to manage details and improve people’s lives.
I am also controlling. Strong-willed but anxious. Attention seeking.
I alternately have everything together and think the world is ending.
I am demanding. I like what I like. And I like it how I like it.
I like being spoiled. I love feeling special. That is the secret to having my heart.
You could not be in a relationship with me if you needed to usually be in the spotlight. I do best with secure, calm men, who like letting me lead, be my headstrong, bold, silly self, but support me almost unconditionally. (Within reason.) (And sometimes, very sweetly, suggest that I rethink before acting.)
You would need to be able to help calm me down when I freak out. I am obsessive and tend to ruminate on things for far too long. I also get very involved in certain hobbies, activities and throw myself completely into them at the expense of everything else.
I can be judgmental. That is a work forever in progress.
I am stubborn. React defensively to feeling hurt or attacked.
And I can be jealous.
In short, I am difficult. I can be difficult.
I am not easy going. I need that in a partner.
I think I bring a lot back to a relationship, despite that I am difficult. In fact, that’s part of what makes me interesting. I am not a boring person. Crazy making—maybe? But boring. Never.
I will know you. Really know you. I will listen. I will care. I will try to solve, for better or for worse. If someone hurts you, they hurt me. I will make you laugh. Exasperate you. Tease you. Objectify you. In a good way. Learn from you. Teach you. Be open to new ideas.
But being in a relationship with me is not for anyone weak. No one has ever called me low-maintenance, and they never will.