Ask a Gentle Domme: How Can I Get My Wife or Girlfriend to Peg Me?

pegging girlfriend strap on

The short answer is that there’s no way to force your wife to peg you or to like it. But, depending on what her objections are and what your relationship is like, you might be able to convince to her to give it a try.

Pegging, a term coined by readers of Dan Savage back in 2001, is when a woman uses a dildo to perform anal sex on a man, usually using a strap on harness or double ended dildo that can worn internally by the woman. 

Pegging, a term coined by readers of Dan Savage back in 2001, is when a woman uses a dildo to perform anal sex on a man, usually using a strap on harness or double ended dildo that can worn internally by the woman. 

These kinds of questions are fairly common. You’ve heard about pegging and maybe tried some anal play on yourself and realized you liked it. And why not? The prostate, located inside the male booty, can be exquisitely sensitive and pleasurable for some men—although not all. Everyone is different. Some submissive men are also attracted to the perceived power exchange dynamics associated with pegging. It allows a woman to penetrate a man, which can feel sexy to men who want to give up control to women. While some men may be too embarrassed about asking for anal play, pegging is becoming more and more mainstream and more couples are into giving it a try. 

Personally, I have tried and enjoy pegging and various forms of anal play with men, including manual massage and rimming. Although men and women can worry about the mess…the idea of poop isn’t sexy to most people despite how good anal play can feel…I’ve found that with simple hygiene procedures like making sure you’ve recently gone to the bathroom and washing well, the mess is minimal to none. I really enjoy watching a man go crazy when his prostate is stimulated. I find it to be an incredibly intimate act that requires a lot of trust. And while it can be kinky and used to create an F/m power dynamic, it doesn’t necessarily have to be. 

But just because I feel this way doesn’t mean that your girlfriend or wife will. And don’t assume that just because a woman is a domme, that necessarily means she likes pegging. She’s probably more likely to than the average vanilla girl, but it’s not a guarantee. 

So, you can’t force your partner to peg you. But are there some ways you could get her to come around? Maybe.

First, find out what her objections are. Is that she’s worried that it will be gross? If so, the first step might be a nice shower together. If you want to be extra sure, you could volunteer to make sure you’re nice and clean by using an anal douche or enema first. 

Is it that she feels it’s not masculine? There is a misconception that liking anal play might mean a man is secretly gay, but this is totally untrue. Both straight men and gay men enjoy anal play. It just feels good! But your partner might need some help unpacking some of her stereotypes about masculinity and gender.

Or maybe she’s worried she won’t know what to do or that she’ll hurt you. I can assure you from experience that if you’ve never penetrated anyone before, it takes some getting used to. Pegging made me realize that penetration can be work out! Also, when men penetrate women with their penises, they can feel the sensation of what they’re doing. When you’re using a dildo, you have to learn how to move in a pleasurable way and be extra careful that you don’t hurt your partner. Watching some realistic amateur pegging porn could help your female partner see some examples of what to do and make her feel more comfortable. You should also reassure her that you’ll communicate well and you can stop or take a break any time she decides. 

Getting a good harness from a company like Spare Parts that has a pocket for a bullet vibe also couldn’t hurt. It will stimulate her as she’s stimulating you. But good harnesses can be a little on the pricey side, so be aware of that. Otherwise, have her a choose a cheap harness that makes her feel sexy at first. You can always upgrade later.

So, what if you try all of these things? Promising to make your butt extra clean? Discussing outdated notions about what’s masculine and what’s not? Working through worries or fears about trying something new? And despite that, she still doesn’t want to give it a go? 

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to make your partner want to peg you. As disappointing as that might be, hounding her is unlikely to do anything but annoy her and make the prospect even more distasteful. Assuming this isn’t a make or break decision for your relationship, your best bet at that point would be a compromise—perhaps that you wear a butt plug during sex—or stick to anal explorations that are entirely solo. If you don’t pressure her too much, you could always revisit the option at a later date, and maybe her feelings will change.

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