Making an Impact: An Overview of Impact Toys for Gentle Femdom

Heart shaped crop with spikes on one side. It’s so bendy.

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been overhauling my blog and taking stock of all of my writing. I have some new books available, which collect a lot of my blog material into useful topics for subs and gentle dommes.

As much as I enjoy working on this project, it’s taking up a lot of time, and ultimately I would like to be able to partially support myself off my work. It IS work! But it’s enjoyable work. The writing is the easy part. It’s the getting people to read the writing that’s the hard part!

But I digress.

In looking at all of my writing, I realized there was a glaring omission in terms of femdom play, and that was impact play!

So, I’m going to tell you a secret.

I haven’t topped for impact in quite a while.

It might be because of the pandemic, during which most of us are feeling tender and in need of nurturing. It might be because most kink events in my area are on hold. It might be just because my partner hasn’t expressed an interest in for many months.

But for any or all of those reasons, my toy bag has been collecting dust.

I have a fairly decent collection of toys, including quite a few impact toys. I own several floggers, a tawse, a few paddles—patent leather, soft and smooshy, a wooden spanking paddle, a wooden spoon, a crop, and a case, some random thuddy heavy things, a soft on the outside hard on the inside baseball bat, and a few little whippy items that look mild but hurt like hell. My favorite impact toy is something called an “evil stick.” They are tiny, bendy rods usually made of carbon fiber that appear innocuous but cause a lot of pain with very little effort.

I also own my hands, which are probably my favorite impact toy. I like giving spankings.

I don’t do pressure point play. I don’t punch or hit or kick people.

I like slapping faces. Carefully. There is an art to it to make sure you don’t injure anyone. (Check it out. Kink Academy is awesome.)

There are people way more qualified than I am to teach you how to do impact play safely, and that’s one of the reasons I haven’t talked about it here. If you go to kink events, you will find a lot of classes and seminars about how to use various implements. There are probably many taking place virtually right now! While I enjoy performing impact play sometimes and feel safe doing what I’m comfortable with, with people I know personally, I don’t feel comfortable selling myself as an expert at it.

However, I’ll go through a few of the common types of impact toys you might find and use if you’re just starting out, and where you can might get them.

  • The absolute easiest impact “toy” you can use is your hand. It is attached to your body. You can feel it. You can feel the impact it has on someone else. For this reason, I think it’s the best impact toy to start with and see if you and partner enjoy it. Also, note that like almost all of these toys, the goal doesn’t have to be pain. It can be sensation. A lot of people prefer “thuddy” impact to “stingy” impact for that reason. Thuddy tends to feel like a hard massage whereas stingy feels more like somene snapping a rubber band on your skin.
  • Another simple impact toy you can use that you’re likely to have around your house, is a wooden spoon. It’s cheap. It’s easy to procure. As a gentle femdom, it feels kind of nurturing and feminine to me, although it need not feel that way to you!
  • I think a paddle is a good choice for any play bag. And these come in many different forms and materials and price points. I have two. One is a simple wooden spanking paddle. Mine doesn’t have holes in it for air flow, but some do. The other is a patent leather paddle on one side and furry material on the other side, so I can go from hard to soft as I choose. It’s both an impact toy and sensation toy.
  • I also like a crop. They can be cheap or expensive. You can often get nice custom toys off Etsy. That’s where I’ve bought many of my better quality toys. I’ve also bought them at kink events where vendors were selling them. But you can get a cheap crop off Amazon for under fifteen dollars. Crops also feel quite feminine and elegant to me, which might be why I like them. They are also very easy to control, which is important when you’re starting out or if you just don’t have good aim. It is important when doing impact play to only aim for the safe parts of the body.  I have a newish heart shaped crop that has spikes on one side of it! It’s so pretty.
  • Canes are longer than crops. They go nicely with a teacher role play. I have a carbon fiber cane that I honestly don’t use very much because it’s long and easy to really hurt someone with if you’re not very careful. I do love it, but I often find myself just walking around holding it and feeling like a badass more than using it on anyone!
  • I have a few floggers. If you are good at using a flogger, you will look very impressive in kink spaces. There are people who can wield two at a time. Floggers can be stingy or thuddy. I like them to be used on me in a thuddy way. It feels kind of like I imagine your car feels in a car wash. But they take a little getting used to, and you need to practice with them so you aim well and don’t end smacking people in the face! Or wrapping the flogger and hurting someone somewhere you didn’t intend to hurt them.
  • There are a lot of other more thuddy implements, like the adorable rainbow baseball bat I have with a soft outer covering. I feel like Harley Quinn carrying it around.  These come in a variety of forms. Every once in a while at a kink convention, I’ll see a new toy that I HAVE to have because it looks really cool. But do be aware that a lot of these toys are heavy and big, and if you ever plan to play out of your house, they can take up a lot of space.
  • I don’t own any whips. I know people who do, and they look cool. But I haven’t taken any classes on how to use them, and my current kink partner has no interest in them. But they exist! Some people really like them.
  • I do love my evil sticks! I don’t know how long they’ve been around, but they were a revelation to me when I found them. As a woman who doesn’t have that much upper body strength, impact play can get tiresome. So, I do love these little sticks because they are SO MEAN, and you have absolutely no idea until you use them or they’re used on you. If you like stingy pain, they are perfect! And they leave marks too. They really are my MEANEST toy.

I know I’m leaving things out. I’m mentally going through my toy bag and thinking about what I own. There are so many varieties of impact toys that it’s hard to provide a comprehensive list. If I’m leaving out one of your favorites, let me know, and I’ll add it!

As for where I buy my toys, I would say I generally buy from three places.

  • Amazon and the internet. I have gotten some of my cheaper toys off Amazon, and most of the toys I’ve bought there have been fine. The advantage to buying them there is that there are usually reviews, a return policy and that they arrive quickly. But you’re not going to find a lot of high quality toys or unusual ones.
  • I also have bought toys and other BDSM equipment from Etsy. There are some vendors I’ve had great experiences with on Etsy. In fact, I haven’t had a bad experience, since I do my research and use vendors who have good reviews and clear pictures.
  • Last, I buy some toys at kink events and conventions. Usually at a big event or a con, there will be vendors there selling items. (A lot of those people have web sites and/or sell on Etsy too.) At this point, I have a solid collection of toys, so I only buy things at events when something is really different or catches my eye. A number of my impact toys are from Agreeable Agony. They make some very interesting looking toys that produce interesting sensations.

That’s today’s overview of impact toys. Maybe some time in the next few weeks, I’ll dust off the toy bag and go over a few specific toys that I really like. I’d also like to talk more about other BDSM gear like handcuffs and sensation play toys.

Feel free to write me with any ideas for articles or anything you’d like to see on my blog. I’ve also just set up a Patreon page, if you totally adore me and want to keep me in bonbons and silk bedsheets. 😉

3 thoughts on “Making an Impact: An Overview of Impact Toys for Gentle Femdom

  1. Sometimes…. LOL

    For me pain doesn’t always do it. There times that it is effective, and times that I really just hate it and it makes me mad. For me control is more of a mind game that is where my submission resides.

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