Playing With His Senses: A Beginner’s Guide to Being a Sensual Domme

sensual domination scene

You might have heard the term “sensual domination” and wondered what it was.

How is it different from good, old fashioned, regular domination? What? That’s not good enough anymore, huh?

In my day we had to walk two miles to the dungeon in the snow….barefoot! And we liked it! (Of course you did, you masochist!)

Sensual domination isn’t some new kind of domination that kinky people are suddenly practicing! In fact, I’d argue it’s the kind of BDSM play that most couples, especially those who are on the lighter side of bedroom play, practice the most.

Sensual domination isn’t some new kind of domination that kinky people are suddenly practicing! In fact, I’d argue it’s the kind of BDSM play that most couples, especially those who are on the lighter side of bedroom play, practice the most.

Domination is taking control over something or someone.

Sensual just means relating to the senses—sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch.

In that way ALL BDSM play is sensual. It all focuses on the senses, whether you’re overpowering someone’s sense of touch with a stingy paddle or taking away someone’s sight with a blindfold. 

But if you hear someone referring to the term “sensual domination,” it generally means something a little more specific, which is domination that focuses more on pleasure than pain and creates an element of delight through the five senses. A sensual domme will likely take more interest in play that feels good for the bottom and creates an erotic atmosphere—although that doesn’t mean that sex will necessarily be involved.

If you’re looking to add some sensualism to your scenes, here are some easy suggestions.

  1. Blindfold your bottom. When you take away one sense, you heighten the others. You create anticipation and fear of the unknown. What will happen next? Will I get sharp a whack with a paddle or will get a soft feather draped against my backside?
  2. Use everyday objects. Some of the most sensual items you can use in a scene aren’t the ones you buy in a BDSM store. Look around your house for objects with varying textures like combs, cotton batting, sponges, aluminum foil. Especially if your bottom can’t see what you’re doing, playing with the unidentifiable objects will be thrilling for your partner as they try to guess what they are. One of the sexiest sensual items I’ve found was a car buffer from the dollar store!
  3. Play with temperature. Wax play can be very sensual! Dripping warm wax on oiled skin is a delight. But it does have a little learning curve, so do your homework. You wouldn’t want a sensual scene to turn into a trip the emergency room. Or you can go the other direction and use ice to drip slowly on your partner’s stomach or slide it around more sensitive parts. You can even put it in your mouth for a cold kiss.
  4. Freaky foodies. If you’re of a certain age, you’ll remember the sexy scene in the movie 9 ½ weeks where Mickey Rourke feeds Kim Basinger from his fridge, in a very r-rated way. While using food in a sensual scene is fun, do be aware that some foods really shouldn’t be…inserted…places that are bad for you. Whipped cream on the stomach? Yum. In the vagina? That’s going to get very oily and leave a film. You don’t want to disrupt the natural flora and fauna and leave your lovely lady with a yeast infection. One of my favorite ways to use food in a sensual femdom scene is to feed my partner bites of goodies and deny them the right to feed themselves. I especially like to do with this bites of cheesecake or chocolates. Then follow it up with a sweet kiss.
  5. Comfortable kink. When you’re trying to be sensual, remember that the texture of the objects you bring into the scene matters. It’s not a bad idea to invest in a good, soft pair of leather handcuffs instead of a cheap pair that digs into the skin or can break. Even think about what you’re wearing and what your partner’s wearing…or not wearing. How is what you have on going to feel when it rubs up against them?
  6. Pamper me. As a sensual domme, myself, I love a good pampering session. I’m also not above pampering my sub. I love to be drawn a hot bath and poured a glass of champagne, especially if my darling is sitting next to me, rubbing my hands. I’ll also always appreciate a foot massage or full body massage. If you’re looking for a sensual scene for your submissive to perform for YOU, have him make you dinner dressed only in an apron while you relax. He can feed you appetizers while you wait.

Although there is definitely kinky play that’s rude, crude and downright dirty, and I like that too, I would say a lot of the kinky play I see and perform myself falls under the “sensual domination” umbrella. Ultimately, sensual domination is a lot like gentle femdom. It’s not so much what you do as how you do it that counts.

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