I’m often inspired to write by questions about femdom that I see online. In this case, the question led me to ask a question.

When is femdom “real?”

On the surface, this may seem like a strange question. What do I mean by real? Isn’t it simply when a woman is in control?

But this question leads to many other questions.

In control of what? Is it just sexual control or control of non-sexual things like finances, chores, personal grooming, etc?

Is the control 24/7 or during an agreed upon period of time? If it’s only during an agreed upon period of time, is that really submission? Or is that just bottoming? Therefore, is the reverse really domination or just topping?

Is service topping domination? For example, if you know that your male partner enjoys you dominating him, and you mostly do it because you know he enjoys it, is that femdom? It might not do anything particularly for you, but if it makes your partner happy and that makes you happy—what then?

Where does paid domination figure into this? If you are being paid to “dominate” someone there is a fundamental power imbalance that is actually not in favor of the woman. As much as some women will tell you that they only accept submissives who REALLY let them have control, it is a rare person who is willing to turn down a good amount of money for something they find merely mildly boring, if the person they’re administering the service to is polite and nice.

So, is paid domination actually femdom? Or can REAL femdom only exist without artificial power imbalances. If it can’t then what of a marriage where the man makes most of the money? Can the woman still have control if she’s at the financial mercy of her husband?

I don’t have answers to these questions. The answers are individual from person to person, but I think we might consider questions like these when we use terms like “real” or “true.” Because I think in matters of the heart, head and loins, what is real and true is merely subjective.

What do you think?