A lot of men on Niteflirt call me to talk about cuckolding.
I would say that this might be the number one kink I talk about, although it’s often combined with other kinks, like chastity, small penis humiliation and sissy play.
For some people, it’s totally about the humiliation of feeling “not good enough.” For others, it’s more about seeing their partners enjoy themselves.
(Is this cuckolding? It depends. Some people define it that way, although I think cuckolding generally has an element of humiliation in it. Lots of people like watching their partners have sex with other people and DON’T find it demeaning.)
I like talking about cuckolding to men over the phone, although I don’t do it in my personal life. It’s exciting as fantasy. I enjoy giving playful humiliation. I get excellent reactions from it, and it lends itself to all kinds of other erotic embarrassment fantasies.
Then I had an interesting conversation with a man who asked me if I thought ALL women would secretly want to have cuckolds as husbands.
I’m pretty sure he thought it was a rhetorical question.
But I said, most certainly not. He was surprised.
He asked, “What woman wouldn’t want the option to go have sex with lots of men?”
First, well…lots wouldn’t want to do that just because they are happily monogamous. Not all women crave sexual variety in their partners.
But even the ones that would be interested in having sex with other men…well…my internet friend was missing something important.
I think cuckolding is really a fantasy about the person BEING cuckolded.
Sure. I’m know there are lots of women who are non-monogamous. But I’d wager a bet that the majority of those women are non-mono because:
- They want some novelty. (Perhaps want multiple relationships or experiences) Or…
- It’s something that spices up their relationship.
You could argue that cuckolding falls under number two of my very short list. And it might. And I’ll bet that for most women into cuckolding, this is a big part of it for them. I’d love to hear from some actual women who are into cuckolding, because I personally don’t know any. And I know a lot of kinky women…if they ARE into cuckolding, they haven’t told me they are or it’s never come up!
But for the number ones in my small list, having sex with someone else would be something they did for THEMSELVES. They wouldn’t likely want to go have sex with another person and then have to tell their partners about in detail for their excitement. Or even perhaps bring men home for an audience. Not only might that feel oppressive, it might also feel non-consensual in a variety of ways.
Cuckolding doesn’t require that. You could certainly have a cuckolding relationship in which the woman got to do whatever she likes without any responsibility to tell her partner about her outside activities.
But I’ve talked to very few men with cuckolding fantasies who I think would be truly happy with that arrangement. Because they get off on the humiliation and knowing about her “indiscretions.” Just having sex with other people and NOT rubbing it in his face is kind of the equivalent of chastity where a guy’s cock is totally neutrally ignored.
And I think this is what the guy I was talking to didn’t understand. Yes. If you cuckold your partner, you get some sexual freedom you might not otherwise have. But you are also probably doing it because it’s a kink for your partner. He’s likely going to want to know what happened.
Maybe it’s a kink for the woman too. Like I said, there are plenty of people who like to fuck outside their relationships consensually, whether by themselves or as couples. But then within that group, you’re looking for a smaller subset of women who enjoy doing that and talking about it because they find humiliation hot.
I know they exist. But are they any kind of majority of women? No. I don’t think so. If they were, I don’t think so many men would be calling me to talk about it!
As for why I’m not interested in cuckolding, it’s twofold. One, I’m very picky (whether I should be or not) and don’t meet a lot of men with whom I want to have sex. Two, I don’t want to humiliate someone I love. It’s not something I eroticize. I do actually have cuckquean fantasies, which is the reverse of cuckolding, but I know myself well enough to know that those desires need to stay in the fantasy realm because I am not emotionally equipped to handle the reality.
If you’re a woman and you ARE into cuckolding, I would love to hear your opinions about what you enjoy about it, and if you think I’m getting it wrong. Theoretically, I talk to lots of men who say they enjoy it, but whether they enjoy it in reality or in their fantasies is really something that only they know. 😉
I know you are looking for replies from women, and I am not one, but wanted to reply too. I hope you don’t mind.
Sometimes labels are limiting. Cuckolding has a technical, dictionary definition but it is often used in the specific context of the person using, which may vary from that technical definition. Be that as it may, that’s how we do things in the world, so from that standpoint, it is what it is.
“(Is this cuckolding? It depends. Some people define it that way, although I think cuckolding generally has an element of humiliation in it. Lots of people like watching their partners have sex with other people and DON’T find it demeaning.)”
This is excellent and on point. For many people, cuckolding has to mean the husband experiences humiliation in some form. My wife and I don’t participate because she, like you, doesn’t want to humiliate the man that she loves. Even a little. We’ve talked about it. The possibility of it and have even roleplayed it in the bedroom at times, but neither of us has an interest because of the presumed, inherent “necessary” humiliation aspect to it.
That said, as a submissive husband, I have happily learned (been trained) to gain the overwhelming majority of my own sexual pleasure from witnessing and participating in her sexual pleasure. As such, could i get sexual pleasure from witnessing her have sex with another man? Probably, but of course it would depend on the circumstances and those circumstance would have to safely guard both our/Her concern for my humiliation. We’ve said that if it were to ever happen, it would be ‘one time – come in, do the deed and then leave. No hanging around, no basking in the glow, no staying for food, no let’s be friends’ kind of thing’ Give her great sexual pleasure and then it’s over.
In that hypothetical scenario would I be a cuckold, I suppose so but clearly not in the context for which cuckolding or commonly portrayed or thought of.
Your blog is excellent. Thank you!
Thanks for responding! Someone on FL also mentioned hotwife and stag/vixen play (something I had only even heard named this way recently). And then there are just all kinds of other forms of non-monogamy involving one woman and more than one man. There are MFM threesomes and MMF threesomes. There are swingers who swap partners, and there’s voyeurism there too. There’s poly, which sometimes involves compersion, the feeling of being happy for your partner’s pleasure (even if you aren’t there participating). I’ve participated in various forms of group play and voyeuristic play, and while not all of it was for me, I never felt humiliated at all, and I don’t think anyone else did either.
I do think that what you mention about a one time no strings attached kind of thing has less to do with humiliation and more to do with a worry about catching feelings, which is a real issue when you open a relationship. You can certainly have a FWB or romantic relationship in which two men pleasure a woman or one does while the other watches without humiliation too.