This is going to be both a rant and just my random opinion that you can feel free to disregard.
In fact, you can always feel free to disregard my opinions, except that the Hamilton soundtrack can indeed be enjoyed over 500 times without getting sick of it and that people who talk in movie theaters…sigh…remember those….are evil and must never be allowed back.
But the internet is a sewer.
Now, we all know this. Why do I need to tell you this? Everyone except maybe your grandma and Qanon uncle knows this. And why would I be talking about this in relation to kink/BDSM?
Because I’ve seen and talked to numerous people lately who are looking for partners on the internet.
People, the internet is a SEWER! I just cannot repeat this enough.
Am I posting on the internet? Yes. Am I posting in the sewer? Yes.
But I will say that I have an actual website that took time (so much time) to create and maintain. I have a social media presence. I produce a lot of content.
I also don’t pretend that I want to be your kinky girlfriend. Why? Because I don’t try to get in relationships with people I meet only exclusively online! (I did meet my boyfriend online. But we pretty quickly transitioned to talking on the phone and then meeting in person.)
Somehow, call me crazy, I don’t believe that the guys on Reddit who tell me repeatedly that they love my audio recordings and will “do anything” for me will really DO ANYTHING for me, unless that anything is jerking off to my voice.
And if a random too good to be true shows up in your inbox out of nowhere, she or he or they are also likely to be too good to be true—unless there’s a specific reason they found you, contacted you, etc…
Now, I should clarify that I think some parts of the internets are more…stinky… than others. I do encourage people interested in kink to get on Fetlife because it is the biggest only meeting place for that, AND because it’s a place where you can get OUT of the sewer and find people in real life.
Then most of the rats who live in the sewer don’t want to come into the light, and you are left with people who took the time to:
–Put on pants
–Leave their house
–Engage with other human beings in person
Honestly, this is a high bar for me these days. (And only swingers seem to still be having events. I know this because I get two emails a week telling me that they are, and each time I am like…really? Really?) But I digress…
Although I am old and have little experience with dating apps, I also recommend them, especially OKCupid, which is kinda kink friendly.
Or maybe Feeld, although it does seem to cater more to hookups, swingers (we know they’re still partying through a pandemic) and unicorns (see swingers…why am I being so mean to swingers today? I’m going to get so many mean responses from swingers.)
I recommend them only because this is basically the way people date these days. I think. (See: I’m old.) And they also encourage you to get out of the sewer for what is currently a cold coffee date on a patio wearing a blanket and mask.
What I do not recommend is just trying to meet people without:
–Putting on pants
–Leaving your house
–Engaging with other human beings in person
Because if someone cannot be bothered to do those three things to meet you, they are not worth meeting.
Some caveats because I know people will mention them.
Yes, we are in a pandemic. This sucks. It is much harder to meet people in person, and so some of this advice is definitely tailored to a post-pandemic world, which hopefully will arrive soon.
It is hard for some people to engage with others. I know this is real. It is way less scary to talk to people behind a screen, and I recognize this. But it is usually when we take risks that we are rewarded. Sometimes not. But you’ll never find out unless you try.