I was thinking about what to write about today, and I drew a blank. Some days I feel inspired, and some days I don’t.
I thought, “Self, what do you know enough about to write something interesting?”
And then it came to me…dirty talk! I could write about dirty talk!
I know that for some people, talking dirty is like pulling teeth. I remember when I was younger, I would have so many dirty thoughts swirling around in my mind, but the idea of expressing them out loud WITH ANOTHER PERSON IN THE ROOM seemed completely mortifiying to me.
When I would start, I always felt self-conscious and weird about it, and I think part of that was that my partner wasn’t really into talking dirty. So, because he seemed to feel weird about it, it made me feel weird about it. And it wasn’t that he wasn’t GGG. Some people are just more comfortable expressing themselves verbally than others.
As I got older, I got more and more comfortable being verbal during sex (and outside of it). The truth is that words have always had a very powerful effect on me sexually. Sometimes even repeating snippets of erotica to myself could get me so worked up that I would come.
I won’t lie. Weed helped. Getting high gave me the ability to lose my inhibitions enough to say whatever florid or foul thoughts were floating around in my head, and the courage to spew them out of my mouth. Sometimes, after I orgasmed, I was even like—wow—where did that come from?
And now, well, I would say I have quite the ability for dirty talk—at least what some people enjoy. Everyone has their preferences.
So, if I were to give some advice about how to successfully talk dirty, I think this would be it.
- You can’t take yourself too seriously. If you do, you will get self-conscious and nervous and feel like an idiot. One of my favorite stories that my BF will hate me for telling is when I asked him to verbally humiliate me. (Yes, I get a little switchy sometimes.) This is NOT his thing, but he went along like a good partner, and in the middle of “humiliating” me, I believe he said, “You are just lame. You are so, so lame!” And we both burst out laughing. And it was okay. Nobody died of shame. It ended up being a great story. And we still had hot fun.
- So, that brings me to number two, which is to accept you’ll have to take a bit of a risk. You are exposing what’s in your brain. You want to feel comfortable with the person and have an understanding of what they think is hot too. That certainly helps. But you have to be willing to put your desires and thoughts out there, even if they flop. They’re just words. If you have a supportive partner, they aren’t going to make you feel like an idiot.
- I’ve often heard people suggest describing what you’re doing if you don’t know what to say. Like, “I’m feeling your amazing tits. They’re so gorgeous. I just love sucking on them and making you moan.” I think this is good advice as long as it’s not like a play-by-play and more like a stream of consciousness of what you’re enjoying. If I’m having fun, there is almost always a point where I cease making coherent sense and instead utter oh god oh god of fuck oh fuck an infinite number of times. I assume it’s hot because I find that sort of thing hot. Knowing that you have pushed someone beyond coherent thought is pretty powerful stuff.
- Know what words do it for your partner. And what don’t. It’s not a bad idea to have a conversation about this. For instance, it is no shock that I LOVE calling men “good boys.” It’s basically impossible for me to not work this into my sexy conversation. I love it so much. There are some things I would never want a partner to say to me, and some things I just don’t find hot. The erotic humiliation I was talking about before? I know a lot of people get off on being called a “slut,” but it does nothing for me. Maybe because I have no sexual shame? Some people would consider that a hard limit. You should always discuss limits.
- Role play. Role play is a mixed bag for me. If I slip into it, it can feel really hot, and I can get in a mindset where I will say all kinds of ridiculous things that seem very dirty and sexy at the time. But if I KNOW it’s a role play, sometimes it can feel stilted. I do often actually find myself slipping into pretending I’m an actual Queen during sex, using my servant boy who is there to simply give me pleasure. That sounds so silly when I write that, but man is it sexy in the moment!
A Few Words and Phrases I Love
Good boy/Good girl
You can do it.
You can take a little more for me. Can’t you?
Be my good little pet.
Do you have any favorites?