Honestly, I never thought I would get into chastity play. When I first entered into the public Scene, I met a couple who was into it, and I specifically remember having a conversation with the woman.
“But I like sex,” I said. “Why would I want to lock up my man?”
“Oh. You can still have sex,” she said. “I have sex with my partner all the time.”
I just didn’t understand. How could you have sex if your partner was in chastity? Wasn’t that really all about the guy and his kinks? What would I get out of it? Plus, I like giving orgasms. It feels good to see someone feel good. Why would I want to give that up? Chastity seemed like a very hardcore, out there kind of kink. I was way too gentle femdomme for that.
Fast forward several years and my views have changed.
Chastity still isn’t something I would want to do with a casual play partner or someone with whom I didn’t have an intimate relationship. I think it takes a strong emotional connection and really good communication. But it’s something my partner and I have been toying with more and more, and I’ve come to really enjoy it.
First, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing it full time, we don’t. This is something we play with for a few weeks at a time. I’m not sure I could keep it up full time because it does require some work from me to keep teasing him when he’s locked up. Let’s face it. Being locked up with no reminder of your predicament is a little dull, even though he tells me not to worry.
The real reason I don’t mind is because I get something out of it too. He becomes completely and totally enraptured with me. Normally, he’s nice. I wouldn’t keep him around if he wasn’t. 😉 But he becomes SOOOO nice after he’s been denied and edged for a week or two. He can’t keep me off his mind. He becomes fixated on me! And I guess I’m kind of an attention whore, because I really like it. He can barely keep his hands off me, and he’ll pretty much do anything I say. (Although, I like to think I’m nice. I don’t take too much advantage of the lack of blood in his brain.)
And guess what?
You CAN have sex when your man is in chastity. You just take him out of the cage (you don’t really even need the cage if you’re not interested in it…it’s more for looks and a reminder than anything). Then you have sex with him—carefully—and you don’t let him have an orgasm.
Or your ruin his orgasm. It’s your choice!
Then he’s even MORE desperate and MORE obsessed with you!
It’s adorable and funny and makes me feel extremely dominant.
I guess it feeds into several of my core kinks—namely inspiring desperation and frustration. Also, did I mention I love the attention?
And what does he get out of it? Well, this is my blog. So, I’m speaking for him here. But I think the gist of it is that when you get excited and have an orgasm, it’s over pretty quickly. Then you go back to baseline. But if you get excited and you DON’T have an orgasm, you get to keep that excitement—that build up. He says it makes him feel “tingly.” And there’s also the power exchange part of it as well. He likes that I “get to decide.”
I’d never say you should do something you feel uncomfortable with, but if you were like me a few years ago and thought chastity play was daunting, you might give it a try. It might surprise you like it surprised me and grow on you.
At least something should grow unencumbered. Right?