Tips for Navigating a Big Kink Event as a Woman

I just returned from a weekend of debauchery at a big kink event. This one was in a hotel, although some are also held outside at campsites. The Gentle Domme is also The High Maintenance Domme, so I don’t usually attend those events!

Big kink takeover events are usually crazy experiences. I love them and hate them, often both in the same day, because like any convention, they are crowded and involve hundreds or even thousands of people. Unlike other conventions, I get to dress up in practically nothing, which means that leaving the hotel breaks the spell. So, they can also get a little claustrophobic.

Having attended more than several of these events now, I have some advice for newbies who are going to their first big kink events. When I was starting to write this article, I intended it to be geared toward everyone, but now that I’m writing, I feel like I have different advice for women than for men, so I’ve decided to break them up into two separate posts.

This one is for the ladies.

  1. Packing. I am a HEAVY packer for hotel kink events. I’m not alone in this. When you check in to a hotel kink takeover, you will often see people carrying enormous amounts of gear. I wouldn’t be surprised to be see someone carrying in their own Liberator Esse  chaise lounge. What I pack the most of is clothing! At most hotel events, you will have daytime activities and nighttime activities, and sometimes even nighttime nighttime activities! I usually pack comfortable clothing for the daytime that I can attend classes in or socialize in the lobby. These are street legal clothes, but that doesn’t mean they have to be vanilla. Lots of people wear kink themed clothing or onesies during the day. Then I pack glamorous and sexy clothes for the evening for cruising the dungeon or attending parties. Last, I also include lingerie and/or clothing with cut-outs that I would ONLY wear in areas of the hotel that allow nudity. Camping events are different. I have attended very few, packed too much, and learned that the closer to naked, the better!
  2. Arranging Play. The events that I’ve attended have had hook up threads on Fetlife starting several months before the event. They’ve also had their own online hubs where you can see who is going to the event and message people who look interesting. How you use these threads depends on your circumstances. If you’re going with a partner and only plan to play with that partner, you can use those resources just to meet people for friendship. But if you plan to play with people other than your partner or are going alone, these resources can be excellent ways to connect with people for play before an event. As a woman, it’s generally not hard to find play at events. What I have decided for myself, after going to a few cons, is that I don’t like to arrange play sight unseen, because I don’t know what kind of connection I will have with someone. Now I only arrange meetups with people I don’t know and reserve possible play opportunities for after we’ve met and seen how we feel about each other. But some people feel differently and will arrange play before ever meeting someone. It depends on your comfort level and the feeling of trust you get from someone.
  3. Getting Overwhelmed. I cried at my first kink events, and that’s not abnormal. They are BIG events. If you go with a partner there’s the possibility of jealousy. You might just get hungry or tired and take it out on your partner. If you go alone, you might feel lonely and have FOMO—like everyone is doing cool stuff but you! Or you might try something with someone and have a bad experience. I have had all of those feelings. It’s good to have a plan for what you’ll do if those kinds of feelings emerge. It’s DEFINITELY a good idea to talk to a partner beforehand, if you’re attending together, about what each of you expect from the event. If you thought you guys were only playing together and he thought he was going to try and get play from every domme and switchy woman at the event, there are going to be some very hurt feelings! Retreating to your hotel room every once in a while is a good idea. Going out for a lunch or dinner can help you get your bearings. A lot of people take power naps, which makes me really jealous! It can seem counter-intuitive, because cons are supposed to be fun, but sometimes having fun can be a lot of work! Or the attempt at having fun can feel stressful. Remember that most people at events have feelings like this.

These are just a few of my suggestions for attending a kink convention. I’m sure I’ll think of more and maybe try to write a more exhaustive article at some point. But I hope these are somewhat helpful if you’re planning to attend a kink con in the future!

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