Stop Assuming Femdommes Hate Men!

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If you only look at hardcore femdom porn or see the ridiculous parodies of femdommes in mainstream movies, leather clad, whip wielding dominatrices telling men to get down on their knees and beg for mercy like the pathetic, small dicked worms they are, well, then you might have a kind of skewed representation of what femdommes are like. You might even think they hate men and practice their activities because they want to hurt men out of that hatred. 

If you only look at hardcore femdom porn or see the ridiculous parodies of femdommes in mainstream movies, leather clad, whip wielding dominatrices telling men to get down on their knees and beg for mercy like the pathetic, small dicked worms they are, well, then you might have a kind of skewed representation of what femdommes are like.

While I can’t guarantee that there aren’t femdommes who hate men, I haven’t yet met one who says she does. I’ve met a few who say that they think women are superior to men. But I would say that from my interactions with other dommes, most of them feel the same ways about men that other women do—that is to say that they like some of them and dislike some of them and love a few. 

Porn and some of the over the top depictions of femdom in the media create the impression that femdommes hate men because of fantasy and maybe because society is frightened by assertive female sexuality. It’s kind of exciting to fantasize about a cruel mistresses who uses you for her amusement, but once you’ve been in a relationship with a domme or a switch, it doesn’t take long to see that it’s not very different than any other relationship. Your girlfriend is not going to be carrying a flogger around all the time. She’s not going to be in a leather corset 24/7. Man, those things are uncomfortable! Most of the time, you do the same things other couples do…you just might get ordered around a little more. And, if you’re lucky, you’ll have some hot play. 

Some people might perceive that femdommes hate men because they don’t understand BDSM, the ways that pain and pleasure can mingle for some people and enhance each other. Pain tolerance increases with arousal level, and even most vanilla folks know that a love bite feels different when you’re not aroused than when you’re about to go crazy with desire. 

If you don’t understand kink, when you see a domme beating, scratching or biting her sub, you might interpret that as cruelty. In reality, any ethical domme will have negotiated with her sub. Her sub likely enjoys the stimulation or enjoys not enjoying it, and the domme enjoys his enjoyment. It’s not an expression of hatred that you’re seeing. It’s an expression of play, lust or love. 

If you don’t understand kink, when you see a domme beating, scratching or biting her sub, you might interpret that as cruelty. In reality, any ethical domme will have negotiated with her sub.

Even chastity, which might appear like the ultimate cruelty (for some people), where a woman doesn’t allow her partner is orgasm, is often desired by the sub in an F/m relationship. It brings out powerful submissive feelings in some men, which they crave. It also keeps the dynamic between the couple sexy and teasing, like a sweet, erotic secret they share between them. Some men like feeling like they are denying themselves for their partners. There have been times when I’ve been playing with chastity where I’m doing it more for my sub than for me. Something I didn’t realize when I first started playing with chastity is that you can still have sex with your sub without letting him orgasm! Although this could appear mean, it’s been my experience that my partners find it both frustrating and thrilling at the same time.

Similarly, although small penis humiliation is overwhelming a male fantasy (I know very few dommes who enjoy humiliating men about their penises), if a domme was to humiliate her sub about his supposedly tiny penis, it would likely be his idea and his fetish. So what might appear to be cruel treatment by the domme would actually be instigated by her sub. And if the sub decided he didn’t like what was happening, he could use a safe word to stop the scene. Psychological play isn’t different than physical play, in that regard. No ethical domme would continue play if her partner truly wanted to stop. 

I would say that many dommes are very giving when it comes to their male partners and care quite a lot about their happiness-even if the methods to create that happiness may appear odd to outsiders of kink. 

So, no. Most lifestyle femdommes do not hate men. They choose to play with and have relationships with men. And why would they do that if they hated men? In contrast, I would say that many dommes are very giving when it comes to their male partners and care quite a lot about their happiness-even if the methods to create that happiness may appear odd to outsiders of kink. 

As for pro dommes, I cannot say, since I know very few of them intimately enough to ask them. I would imagine that they feel like any sex workers (although pro dommes do not usually have sex with clients) in that they enjoy some clients and don’t enjoy others. 

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