I just had a lovely weekend with my sweet boy. Yes, there was kink and debauchery, but there was also a lot of binge watching of television shows. We’re watching Atlanta right now, in which I see elements of Louie and Girls. There was also a lot of soaking up the lovely late summer weather and reading. And talking politics and silliness.
As for the debauchery, right now we are very focused on orgasm control—-his. He basically keeps himself in chastity until we see each other, and then I stretch it out until he’s going insane. It’s fun, and I admit I feel a little sad when I finally let him come. He’s incredibly eager and totally focused on me when he’s desperate, which is adorable. And I love attention! But it does get to a point where he’s aching or soooo eager that any little thing will send him over the edge. And then I usually take pity. Sometimes I think he might not want me to, though. It’s something I have to think about. Would I see him and deny him the whole time? I think it’s something he would find both exciting and scary.
We also played with some crossdressing again, which is something we haven’t done in a very long time. It was initially a fantasy of his that I tried, but I was surprised that I liked it as much as I did. But we really haven’t done much with it over a year and a half. I think it was my latest story that put it back in my mind, so I dressed him up in one of my very tight vinyl skirts and a push up bra and a wig and lipstick and had my way with him.
From the front, he still looks mostly like a man. It would take more makeup and a better wig to make a dent in that. But from the back, he looks quite feminine, and I find it sexy. This is interesting to me, because I don’t think of myself as bisexual. Still, I KNOW he IS a man. It’s not really that I don’t find women beautiful. I find many more women attractive than men. It’s just that I don’t really know what to DO with women–how to hold them, tease them, seduce them. Men are very simple, and I have had a lifetime of practice with them. Women are all very different and complex.
I really like clutching him in my vinyl skirt. I hadn’t realized before just how good gripping that fabric and the flesh that lies under it feels.
When Thomas came home from
work, I had the present wrapped and waiting on the kitchen table.
“Awww! My birthday’s not
until next week, honey,” he said, shrugging off his coat. He gave me the usual
kiss hello as I sat at the table observing him, and he immediately went to the
pantry and got out his apron, hanging from its usual hook.
I had Thomas well-trained.
Our weeknights went as
Thomas would return home from work.
He would give me a kiss.
He would put on his apron and make us both cocktails
of my choice. (Tonight it was mojitos.)
Then I’d sit at the table and watch him while he
Not only was he an excellent chef, he was a competent mixologist. Of course, it had taken time to train him.
I liked to watch him as he
cooked. Thomas is handsome, and he knows it, and he likes subtly showing off
for me…bending down a little deeper than he needs to put the chicken into the
oven, reaching extra high to show off his biceps as he grabs the food processor
from the top pantry shelf. I like watching and he likes being watched. And I
like that he does all the work, and I get to put my feet up and enjoy the show.
But I don’t usually have
wrapped presents waiting for him. He was right about that.
“This isn’t your birthday
present,” I said, watching him muddle our drinks. “In fact, it’s really my
present. It’s a present for you. For me.”
Thomas raised his eyebrow.
He accidentally dropped a lime on the floor. “Oh!” He looked a little nervous.
Let’s just say that Thomas isn’t new to my ideas. I get a lot of ideas. About the way our relationship should be. About the way he should treat me. About the things we should do together and the things he should do to me and the things I get to do to him. And these ideas are a good part of why Thomas likes me. I know that because he tells me and because I know Thomas. I know the kind of man he is and the kind of woman he requires, and I know that I am that kind of woman.
And that gives me a lot of
I like power.
But that doesn’t mean that
some of my ideas don’t make him nervous. In fact, that’s probably why he likes
some of them so much.
“Are you nervous?” I ask.
Although obviously I already know.
“No,” he says, not meeting
“Just a little, I say.
“Not even a little.”
He crosses the kitchen and
hands me my mojito. I grab his hand after my drink is safely on the table.
“Oh. I think you are,” I
say. “But you can play coy if you like. Do you like to play coy, baby?”
Now the red rises in his
face. He drops his eyes. “Maybe,” he admits.
I can see the bulge growing
under his slacks. Like I said, I know Thomas and what he needs.
“Do you like to bend over so
you can show off your ass to me when you’re making dinner?”
“Sometimes.” He gulps. The
“Are you my little slut?”
“Oh, Serena.” He slumps down
to his knees and puts his head in my lap. “Yes. Yes I am.”
I take a sip of my drink.
He’s done a good job. It’s tasty. “Yes, you are what?” I prod.
It’s barely a whisper. “Yes, I am your little slut.” He kisses my leg. “Thank you for letting me be your little slut.”
“You’re welcome, baby.” I
tilt his head up so he can look into my eyes. “Do you want to see my present?”
“I do. Please. I do.”
He’s getting really excited
now. It’s in his voice. He picks up the package and after I nod my head, he
pretty much tears into it. Wrapping paper gets dropped on the kitchen floor.
He’ll have to clean that up later, but it can wait. I admit I’m getting a
little excited too about seeing his reaction.
The wrapping paper is off
and how he’s opening the slim cardboard box that was underneath it.
He gives me a quizzical look
as he sees what’s inside. He’s holding a few sort of shiny pieces of red, white
and blue fabric and something yellow and silky underneath.
“Lay them out,” I tell him.
“On the table.”
He does so, and the fabric
takes shape. One red short flouncy skirt. One white tank top with a large blue
monogrammed S on the front. A white pair of ankle socks. And a blond wig. In
“Go team, go!” I bat my eyes
I can’t tell if he’s going
to laugh or cry, but either one will do.
“A cheerleader? I don’t know….”
So, look. This idea didn’t
come out of nowhere. Like I said, I KNOW Thomas, and we’ve batted around this
cheerleading fantasy during sex before. Thomas likes to feel sexy. He likes to
feel taken. He likes to feel slutty. And I think I do a pretty good job of
evoking those feelings in him when he’s dressed as a man, or better yet, as I
prefer him, not dressed at all.
But the cheerleader thing is
deep in his psyche. Just like most high school boys, he watched the school
cheerleaders bounce around in their short skirts, their tight tops. He saw the
looks the boys gave them—the looks HE gave them, and he imagined things. He
imagined what it must feel like to be those girls, to feel desired, envied,
Also, like most guys, Thomas
watches porn. And porn has its fair share of cheerleaders. Porn cheerleaders
aren’t real cheerleaders. They are slutty cheerleaders. Vapid cheerleaders.
Cheerleaders who exist for the sole purpose of getting fucked often, eagerly
So, Thomas wants to feel like a cheerleader? A slutty, eager, vapid cheerleader? Then he can be MY slutty, eager, vapid cheerleader. Rah! Rah! Sis! Boom! Bah! For me.
The thing is that I’ve never
dressed him up in women’s clothes before. A few times I’ve had him wear
lipstick. But a full outfit? A wig. This will be a first.
“What if…?” He frowns. He
knows he’s not supposed to question me. I know what he’s going to ask anyway.
What if I look stupid? What if you laugh at me?
“No. Just put it on,” I tell
him. I point to the downstairs bathroom. “Oh, and there’s pink lipstick in
there. Be sure to apply it liberally. I want to see it coat my cock.”
Then I take my mojito and go
upstairs to wait in the bedroom.
He takes his time. Ten
minutes pass. Then fifteen. I’m starting to get annoyed. I’ve been waiting for
him in the bedroom in a black tank and what I call my pegging panties—boy short
undies that a dildo slides into and fits snugly. I usually prefer a pink dildo,
but today I’ve chosen flesh colored, which seems more realistic. I’m not sure
I’m even going to fuck him in the ass, but I want to see him suck my cock, and
I think it will help me get into the role.
Then just as I’m about to go look for him, see if he’s had some sort of breakdown or fled the house—that I’ve gone one idea too far—the bedroom door opens, slowly, shyly.
He stands there in the
doorway biting his lip and breathing heavily. He can’t look at me.
He looks—adorable. Really.
Thomas has a slim build. Not
exactly feminine, but not extremely muscular either. I’ve never considered
myself bisexual, but seeing him stand there in the short red flounced skirt
that brushes the tops of his toned thighs, the way the tank fits him, almost
giving the illusion of a waistline, the two blond ponytails framing his pretty
face, the way the pink lipstick makes his full lips look even fuller-bee stung.
I’m reconsidering if I could be into women after all.
“Well, aren’t you pretty,” I
finally say. “Aren’t you a pretty little thing.”
I get off the bed. “Come
closer,” I say. “I want to look at you.”
He slides into the room in
his ankle socks, and I can see he’s even walking differently than he usually
does. He has a little bit of a bounce in his step. His swishes his waist a little.
It’s not quite right, and I consider telling him so. But it’s cute. It’s funny.
Charming. It almost makes me laugh but is somehow sexy at the time same time.
This is how he imagines it feels to be a woman. I let that sink in.
He stands in the middle of
the room, hands at his waist, still staring at the carpet. I circle around him,
toy with the edge of his skirt, lifting it up just a little bit with my pinky
“Oh, my” I say, whispering into his ear. “You’re not wearing any panties. Are you?”
He gasps, and I’m not sure
if it’s because of my words or because of my touch.
“No,” he says. “You didn’t
give me any.”
“I didn’t give you any?” I
feign confusion. “Oh, you’re right,” I say, sliding my pinky up against the
bottom of his ass, feeling him shiver. “I didn’t. Do you know why?”
His massive erection is
literally lifting up the front of the skirt, but I ignore it for the moment.
“Because slutty little
cheerleaders like you don’t need panties. Do they?
“No. They don’t.” His voice is
“What do slutty little
cheerleaders like you need?”
His answer is a question. Tentative.
“Good girl. That’s right.
Sluttly little cheerleaders like you need to get fucked. And how?”
“However you want.”
I almost laugh. That answer
came much more quickly.
“Oh, that’s right. Such a
good girl. Such a smart good girl who knows what she’s here for. Show me what
you’re here for. Show me what a good job you can do.”
And with that I push my cheerleader down on her knees in front of my cock.
I don’t even have to order.
Thomas eagerly takes my cock into his mouth, swallowing it deep, sucking on it,
bobbing his head back and forth like he can’t get enough of it. It makes me
wish I could actually feel it.
“You’re so hungry!” I say.
“What a good cock hungry little slut you are. What a pretty little slut. It
seems like you’ve had a lot of practice.”
I grab the wig pigtails and
pull them toward me and fuck Thomas’ face with my cock until drool is spilling
down his chin. Then I pull him off and tell him to look at me.
He gives me doe eyes. He
giggles. Actually giggles.
“Thank you,” he says. I can
tell he’s not sure where to call me ma’am or sir, and I’m not either, so I let
the lack of my usual honorific slide. Tonight everything is a little confused.
“You’re so welcome,” I say.
I point down to my cock, which is largely pink now. “You certainly did coat
it.” I place my fingers on his lips and smear the remaining lipstick over his
chin and cheeks. It feels good to make a mess of him. Make him dirty.
The dildo is fun, but that’s
not what I want. I’m not feeling masculine exactly, but I’m not feeling
feminine either. I want to fuck my pretty new toy, but I want to enjoy it. I
want to feel it. I know he’d like it if I bent him over, applied lube
generously to his asshole and pushed myself in slowly, but I’m in a hurry. I
want to feel it, him, her. He’s there for me to use. I want to use him.
“Get on the bed,” I say, and Thomas scurries off his knees and unto the mattress. He’s on all fours, and I can tell he doesn’t know how I want him.
“On your back” I say. “Don’t
you want to get fucked? Don’t you want a good fucking?”
He giggles again and lies
down on his back, his erection popping up out of the skirt, which he smooths
back down over himself.
“Yes, please,” he says. He’s
getting into it now. “Please give me a good fucking. That’s what I’m here for.
I need a good, hard fucking.”
I take off my pegging
panties, leaving on just my tank and slide between his legs. “You do? Why is
that?” I say, rubbing my hands over the silky skirt and feeling his hard cock
“Because I’m a horny slut,”
he says with absolutely no prompting. “I’m a horny slut and I just want to get
fucked and used. I want to be good. I want to be a good girl and let you fuck
me the way you like. Please fuck me. I need it.”
My hand reaches under his
skirt to his leaking cock. “You ARE very wet,” I say. “Is that all for me?”
“Yes, please.” He reaches
for his cock, but before he can touch it, I have both of his hands pinned above
I tut tut. “Don’t touch. I’m
going to give you what you want baby, but you just lie there like a good girl
and take it.”
He goes still. Expectant.
And I toss up his skirt and climb on top of him and slide down so he’s balls
deep inside me.
He groans. Tries to throw
his legs around me, and I feel like yes. I AM fucking him. I’m giving my little
slutty cheerleader such a good fucking, the fucking of her life.
“You’re so pretty,” I tell her, running my fingers over her lips and sliding them inside. “Does that feel good,” I ask?
“So good,” she says. “I love
it. I love to feel your hard cock inside me filling me up. Thank you, sir.
Thank you. I needed this so much. Am I being good? Am I being your good slut?
Am I behaving? Am I doing what I’m told?”
What can I say? I want to
say that I can feel my orgasm building and never more have I wished to have a
real cock, to feel what it would be like to grab my slutty cheerleader by the
waist and pump my come deep inside of her, to feel her clench around me as she
milked the come out of me like the obedient, vapid, sweet minded toy she was.
Instead I say, “I’m going to
make you come now. Be my good girl and come for me. Come hard for me. I want to
feel it, slut.”
“Yes sir. I will. I will.”
And I feel Thomas buck up
into me as I bear down hard, grinding myself against him unsure of who is
clenching into whom, but Thomas is grabbing against me, and I’ve got my arm
wrapped around his head, drawing him to my breast and he’s saying, “Thank you
sir” over and over again, and I’m whispering, “Take it. Take it my little slut,
my good little slut” into his ear until the wave of pleasure hits me, and one
of us or both of us is crying, That’s it. That’s it. Just like that, baby”. And
then we are slumped on the bed together, both sticky and sweaty and laughing.
“You have such good ideas,” says Thomas.
“You have such good ideas,” says my sweet, lovely, slutty little cheerleader.
If you haven’t already, check out the first two articles in this three-part series about cross-dressing, feminization and sissification. So far, we’ve talked about the differences between cross-dressing, feminization and sissification and discussed the discomfort some dommes feel with sissification and forced feminization play because of misogynistic stereotypes.
If your boyfriend or husband has confessed having fantasies about feminization and you have some questions about what this means for your relationship and where these fantasies might be coming from, these articles should help you make a little more sense out of his desires, especially if they’re connected to his submissive nature.
So, you’ll notice that in
these articles, I’ve provided a lot of information about what cross-dressing,
feminization, forced feminization and sissification are and aren’t and not a
lot of information about how to actually help make this kind of fantasy a
reality in your relationship.
The truth is that understanding why your partner has these fantasies is more important than exactly what you do to make them happen in real life.
The truth is that
understanding why your partner has these fantasies is more important than
exactly what you do to make them happen in real life. For example, if your
boyfriend or partner just wants to feel pretty in a way that can be hard to
achieve in typically masculine clothing, he may be satisfied with wearing a
pair of sexy panties and some lipstick while you make out. He may be closer to
a cross-dresser, in that it’s not really about feeling submissive. Or he may
have some feminization fantasies, but being in some women’s clothing or make up
are enough to bring up those submissive feelings he’s craving.
If he has objectification
fantasies about being a “slutty cheerleader” taken and used by the football
team, that fantasy is stemming from a different place. He might want to feel
viewed like a sex object in a way that women often are and men usually
aren’t. Or he might want to feel
sexually vulnerable. Or, maybe he wants to feel naughty for having such
voracious sexual desires when he’s supposed to be pure and virginal. If you’re
into it, you may get a cheerleader costume, blindfold him and tell him what a
dirty girl he’s being while you give him a good pegging.
He might want to feel viewed like a sex object in a way that women often are and men usually aren’t. Or he might want to feel sexually vulnerable.
As I said before, think of this kink more like a spectrum or buffet than something specific. Your partner likely wants to achieve some kind of feeling out of this experience. So, the goal is to bring out the feeling—seductiveness, vulnerability, embarrassment, humiliation—rather than focus too much on the exact items you need to make the scene happen. I would say that a good role play scenario doesn’t hurt! It can feel a little silly to pretend that your six foot tall brawny husband is a delicate flower, so using a trope like teacher/student or boss/employee or stripper/patron or even strict home owner/dainty maid can help get you in the right mind-set and past any initial giggles. (And really—it should be fun. It’s okay to laugh, if it’s out of play and joy.)
In my case, as I mentioned
earlier, I never thought I would be into feminization. Although I do like some feminine
qualities in men, the thought of my partner entirely cross-dressed didn’t seem
appealing to me because I’m primarily straight and like masculine presenting
bodies. While I wasn’t disgusted by the idea of dressing my boyfriend up in my
lingerie, I didn’t expect it to be erotic. It was something I was doing for
However, once we actually
did it, I found that I kind of liked it. He was very shy and unsure and really
slipped into a vulnerable place. I thought it was a bit amusing that he so
obviously associated femininity with vulnerability, complete with big doe eyes,
but he was a little like a baby deer taking his first steps—especially when he
tried on a pair of size 11 heels.
I helped him put on makeup,
and I could tell he was getting really turned on by the whole thing but was
also kind of embarrassed that he was getting so turned on, and his
embarrassment made me like it more—because I like seeing men embarrassed! When
we were done, he was very pretty. Especially from behind, he looked like a
slender babe. I was almost a little jealous because he had a better body than
I helped him put on makeup, and I could tell he was getting really turned on by the whole thing but was also kind of embarrassed that he was getting so turned on, and his embarrassment made me like it more—because I like seeing men embarrassed!
After that, we played out an objectification fantasy where he was the pretty young thing who was being taken advantage of. We had some trouble deciding on what pronouns to use and what names we were giving to body parts. So, that’s something you might want to talk about beforehand. Does your partner want to look feminine, feel like a woman or be referred to as a woman with female parts? But the whole thing turned out to be a lot of sexy fun.
In our case, feminization is
something we do infrequently. It turned out that once my boyfriend’s itch was
scratched, he didn’t desire it so much anymore. And now it’s something we toy
with once in a while, although he often likes to feel soft and slightly
feminine in our sexual relationship, and I enjoy that softness. But he doesn’t
require female clothing to achieve it.
However, for some men, it’s
something they will want all the time. And it will be up to you as the domme
about how much you want to participate in it–if it’s something you enjoy all
the time or just sometimes on special occasions. You can also go slowly and
feel out your emotions regarding humiliation play connected to gender roles.
In kink, we tend to focus on physical play when it comes to negotiation and a fear of injuring someone, but often emotional and psychological play can be just as fraught with danger. And while we want to give our submissives want they want and make them happy, we need to consider their best interests, as well as our own.
In my last blog article I talked about what to do if your male partner comes to you and wants to dress up like a woman. In that article we talked about cross-dressing and feminization and the differences between the two, especially that while cross-dressing is not necessarily submissive, feminization fantasies usually are—at least a little bit. So, start there if you need some help understanding these terms and their distinctions….
There is another “level” or
“type” of feminization that’s called sissification. Most of us over a certain
age can remember the word “sissy” as a slur against boys who weren’t acting
manly enough, or whatever the schoolyard bully or an abusive dad or older
brother decided was manly enough. Being a sissy meant that you were a weak boy
who acted like a girl. It was one of the worst things a boy could be called.
Sissification has its roots in that humiliation. It’s basically feminization taken the to the extreme. A stereotypical sissification fantasy would be a man who is dressed up to be ultra-feminine. He would have a long, curly wig, wear garish makeup, a lispy voice, a French maid’s uniform and be put into service cleaning his domme’s house, with her gentle or not so gentle encouragements. This is a major stereotype here. But it’s the one you will hear dommes who dislike sissification complaining about ad nauseam. For a somewhat valid reason.
To understand why some dommes really hate sissification, let’s talk more about the WHY. Why are submissive men into feminization and sissification into feminization and sissification?
To understand why some
dommes really hate sissification, let’s talk more about the WHY. Why are
submissive men into feminization and sissification into feminization and
Okay. Well, first, you don’t
have to be into sissification just because you’re into feminization. Think of
this all like a spectrum or a buffet. You can pick and choose what you like.
So, don’t assume that because your partner is into the idea of feeling like a
woman, he also wants to wear doll clothes and frilly socks and clean your house
with a feather duster while you swat at him with a crop.
The reason that a lot of dommes are not into sissification, even the ones who are into guys who like to cross-dress or be feminized is that they see sissification as humiliation play. They feel that the men who are into it consciously, or more likely subconsciously, see being a woman as something that is less than a man—and therefore worthy of being made fun of.
The reason that a lot of dommes are not into sissification, even the ones who are into guys who like to cross-dress or be feminized is that they see sissification as humiliation play. They feel that the men who are into it consciously, or more likely subconsciously, see being a woman as something that is less than a man—and therefore worthy of being made fun of. Rather than questioning why being called a sissy is a bad thing—is it so bad to be feminine—they believe that these men have internalized the shame of not being seen as masculine enough and are acting out this shame through kink.
One big subgenre of this
entire fantasy is forced feminization, which is exactly what it sounds like. It’s when your domme “forces”
you to dress and act like a woman to humiliate you. There’s also an overlap
here with “forced bi,” which is when a submissive man is “forced” to be
sexually submissive to another man. “Forced” in heavy quotation marks, because
of course, the submissive wants to be forced. That’s part of the fantasy. He
doesn’t really want to dress up like a girl or give another man a blow job.
You’re making him do it, so it’s not his fault!
It’s a little easy to roll your eyes at this, but when you think about it, it’s not so different from romance novels where women are taken by rich, powerful, gorgeous men and “forced” to endure their passionate lovemaking. Non-consent fantasies are hugely popular in both sexes. They allow people to feel free of the internal shame they carry around about their desires.
But, obviously, since femdommes are women, some feel that encouraging this behavior is essentially saying that it is humiliating to be a woman, or it is humiliating for a man to be a woman or be like a woman. This is particularly loaded now that we, as a society, are becoming so much more comfortable with the non-binary and with violating these perceived gender norms. And being a femdomme theoretically means that you are supposed to be a powerful woman. So, how can a powerful woman condone fantasies based on misogynistic stereotypes about women?
Some dommes just don’t like it for this reason. They feel like they are essentially agreeing with the schoolyard bullies instead of saying that there’s nothing wrong with feeling, looking or acting like a man who isn’t stereotypically masculine.
Some dommes just don’t like it for this reason. They feel like they are essentially agreeing with the schoolyard bullies instead of saying that there’s nothing wrong with feeling, looking or acting like a man who isn’t stereotypically masculine. They also might say that “forced bi” is just a way for a man to resist coming to terms with his bi-sexuality, and that he’d be happier if he could accept that part of himself.
For this reason, you will
find quite a few dommes who are totally cool with cross-dressing and
feminization, but who draw the line at forced feminization and sissification.
They have no problem, and might even think it’s hot, to have a partner who
flirts with gender norms for fun, to feel sexy and pretty, for role play, but
they dislike this kink if its born out of a desire to be humiliated for being
And, of course, there are
plenty of dommes who have no issues with forced feminization and/or
sissification. They might say that kink is kink, and in kink we play with a lot
of taboos, and they don’t judge. They might enjoy the humiliation aspect of
forced-feminization and sissification because they enjoy humiliation in
general, and they feel like if their partners like it and they like it, what’s
the problem? Or they might feel that it’s not degrading at all to women, but
just degrading to men to turn them into what are basically cartoonish versions
of women. Some people might even feel like it’s a safe way to exorcise those
demons of not feeling manly enough. Nothing in kink is ever black or white…just
black and blue.
So, now that’s we’ve explored why some submissive men are into cross-dressing, feminization and sissification, let’s discuss how you can work these kinks into play, if you want to do that. Stay tuned for my next article in this three-part series….
So, your submissive
boyfriend or husband has confided in you with a deep, dark fantasy. He wants to
dress up like a girl, and he wants you to help. Well, buckle up, buttercup.
This is going to be a long one!
You likely have one of
several responses, varying from, “This relationship isn’t going to work,” to,
“Where’s my red lipstick, and get the fishnets out of the drawer, pronto!” I’m
going to assume since you’re here that you didn’t end your relationship, and
also that you’re a little hesitant about what to do next, unless the red
lipstick and thigh highs are currently next to your phone and you’re reading
this just for kicks.
First, I want to say this. I think that in our culture that doesn’t provide men with a lot of ways to express themselves outside of stereotypical gender norms, it takes a lot of strength for a man to tell his female partner about these kinds of fantasies.
First, I want to say this. I
think that in our culture that doesn’t provide men with a lot of ways to
express themselves outside of stereotypical gender norms, it takes a lot of
strength for a man to tell his female partner about these kinds of fantasies.
And I definitely do not advocate shaming anyone, especially an intimate
partner, for being honest with you about what he wants or needs. That takes a
lot of courage and trust, which I think should be respected and treasured.
However, I also want to stress that it IS okay for you not to be into seeing your man cross-dressed, which is the definition of dressing up like the opposite sex. Feminization, which is cross-dressing plus adopting typically feminine attributes and mannerisms, is a relatively common submissive fantasy, although cross-dressing itself does not necessarily have anything to do with submission. So, I’m talking about it here on TheGentleDomme.com because of its connection to kink. When I talk about cross-dressing, I’m removing it from the ‘kinkosphere.’ When I talk about feminization, I’m connecting it to submissive kink. That’s important to understand because of the differences in motivation. Plenty of otherwise vanilla men are into cross-dressing, but men who want to be feminized usually have other kinks connected to submission. Usually. Not always.
(Feminization can also be
connected to sissification, but let’s get to that a little later, since
sissification tends to be even more controversial in the femdom community.)
Just because you enjoy having a submissive partner doesn’t mean you must be into feminization. I just want to clear about that, because the intimate things people do together should be things they both enjoy. This really is something that some people love and some people just don’t get. And that’s okay.
If you have a submissive
partner who wants you to feminize him, it’s awesome if you want to try it out
and fantastic if it turns out you’re both into it. I should admit that it was
something I didn’t think would be very hot, but I enjoy it a lot more than I
thought I would. But if it turns out that you don’t, you don’t need to force
yourself to indulge it just for the sake of your partner. That’s not going to
turn out well for either of you. He’ll be able to tell you aren’t excited about
it, and you will likely feel imposed upon.
Now, disclaimer out the way,
let’s move on and assume you’re at least curious about your male partner’s confession.
First, you may be wondering—why? Does this mean he’s gay? Does it mean he wants
to be a drag queen? Does it mean he’s transgender?
Well, I don’t specifically
know the reasons why every man into cross-dressing is into it. But most of the
time, men who like to cross-dress are straight. And, as for where this desire
comes from, it differs for people. As I said before, cross-dressing is not
necessarily a submissive activity. Lots of otherwise vanilla men dabble in it
or live it 24/7 for a variety of reasons, such as that it feels taboo or they
like the feel of the fabrics on their skin or they just want to feel pretty. For
example, here’s a story about a man who liked to cross-dress as a way to relieve stress.
So, if your subby hubby
expresses a desire for you to dress him up and help make him feel feminine, one
possibility is that he literally just wants to cross-dress. However, because
we’re on a kink site, I’m going to assume that his longings are coming from a
place of submission. Obviously, you should do your communicative homework on
this. You know what they say about
assuming and asses. So, now let’s delve a little deeper into feminization.
Feminization is essentially the kink form of cross-dressing, at least that’s how I would define it. Men who want to be feminized don’t just want to dress up in women’s clothes. They want to feel like a woman.
Feminization is essentially
the kink form of cross-dressing, at least that’s how I would define it. Men who
want to be feminized don’t just want to dress up in women’s clothes. They want
to feel like a woman. Sometimes they want to adopt a different name while
they’re feminized. For example, instead of being Gabriel, they want to be Gabby
while they’re feminized.
They might want to walk in a
more feminine way, talk in a higher tone, perhaps have sex in a way that they
feel is more feminine. And they often want their domme’s direction in achieving
this. They might want you to help them put on makeup, select clothing, guide or
even punish them as they learn how to “be a woman” for you or around you. Whereas
cross-dressing is not necessarily sexual, I would say that feminization usually
is, although, of course, someone will inevitably disagree with me about this.
…So, now we’ve discussed cross-dressing and feminization. But we’re not done yet! Stay tuned for my next article to learn more about sissification. This is a big topic, and I have lot more to say about it!