I’ve been thinking a lot more lately about sissy play. If you follow me on Niteflirt or IWantClips or Clips4Sale, you’ll see that I make a fair number of “sissy” related audios. Just so you know, quite a few of these audios, especially the ones that focus on humiliation, have been commissioned by people, and then I resell them to the public after a little time has passed.
To be totally honest, I don’t do sissy play in my real-life kink. That is NOT to say that I haven’t done feminization, and that I don’t like “feminine” attributes in men. I definitely have a bit of a panty kink…I just think that some guys look really hot in panties….and maybe a garter belt and stockings…and lipstick…and well…I should probably stop before I get too excited. But I’ve only actually fully crossdressed someone a few times, and I have never done what I consider “sissy play.”
What I consider “sissy play” would fall under the frilly, girly umbrella with ruffled panties and petticoats and hair ribbons, and it generally involves an element of humiliation for not being a “real man.” Often, there is an overlap between being sissy and being “less than,” as well as other kinks like small penis humiliation, chastity and “forced” or encouraged bisexuality. Some people also consider themselves sissies who prefer a more stereotypical slutty look and less like if Little Bo Peep did porn. I see feminization and cross dressing as being value free whereas when someone tells me they are a “sissy,” almost 100% of the time they want me to humiliate them in some way.
A lot of people approach me for sissy play online, and I had some trouble understanding why at first. I didn’t initially advertise for it because it was something with which I had little experience and with which I wasn’t entirely comfortable. Now, I think it might have something to do with my very feminine aesthetic. I DO love pink! And that my persona as Domme (and in real life) is more on the nurturing side than on the, “Get down on the floor and lick my toilet, you degenerate piece of crap,” side. And I actually do advertise for sissy play now, and I talk to a good number of respectful people who have this kink.
The feelings I have about sissy play are twofold and sort of contradict one another.
- I don’t believe in kink shaming unless it’s something that hurts someone non-consensually.
- I don’t think there is anything humiliating about being feminine or bi/gay.
On one hand, if it turns someone on to be erotically humiliated for being a “sissy,” I don’t have a problem with that. I have lots of pretty out there fantasies that aren’t very PC that live in my brain and that have little connection to anything I would want to do in reality.
On the other hand, sometimes I worry that the people I talk to with sissy fantasies are actually closeted about their desires or identities, and I’m just reinforcing some self-hatred or insecurities by encouraging them. They WANT me to tell them that they aren’t “real men” (whatever that means) and they don’t deserve pussy and just need to have their little tiny clitties locked up forever.
And if that’s just what gets them off, and then they come and they feel great and they forget about it until the fantasy comes back, I have absolutely no issue with this.
But what if I’m actually just reinforcing their own insecurities and they actually believe that I believe that? I like to think that I’m pretty clear about the line between fantasy and reality. If I’m on a call with someone, as soon as it’s clear that “playtime” is over, I revert back to being polite and treat them with the respect I think most humans deserve (excluding the vast majority of the current Republican government).
But how do I know what they’re thinking inside? I don’t.
My preference for sissy play and feminization play is what I would call encouraging play—meaning that I prefer to give people permission to enjoy what they are afraid to enjoy or think they shouldn’t enjoy. Because that’s what I really believe. If someone wants to look or act like Little Bo Debbie does Dallas or a “slutted out tramp” or a “dumb ditsy cheerleader,” I’d rather encourage them to enjoy that fantasy and not feel guilty about it.
Okay….maybe they can feel a little guilty for the stereotypical porn tropes, but then I guess I need to feel guilty about my 5 inch Bitch Domme boots and PVC corsets that also reinforce silly ideas about what you have to dress like to take control and some misogynistic views of women. (To be fair, I have never personally talked to a guy who identified as a sissy who was disrespectful about women…only perhaps in how he saw HIMSELF presenting as woman. Sigh. It gets complicated.)
I don’t really like the idea of making people BAD for having those desires, even if in the moment, it feels GOOD to feel BAD. And by all means, if you’re a guy who wants to suck cock, go for it. This is 2022. Just be safe! Anyway, just so you know, if you look at my audios and you see some humiliating sissy audio porn, that is FANTASY-and if it’s really humiliating, it’s almost always fantasy that I’ve been ASKED to create for someone else.
Personally, I will always take Tim Curry in heels and pearls making me feel switchy as hell, like I’m not sure if I want to thoroughly fuck him or thoroughly get fucked. 😉
I wonder if you are overthinking/overanalysing the experience
About five years ago I told my wife that crossdressing appealed to me. I was nervous.
She hadn’t thought about it much but her first reaction was that if it appealed to me , then she was content to humour me – with strings
So ,on the first Saturday of each month she will lay out my “clothing” for me while I am in the shower (maids uniform or shabby cleaning attire or simple dress and underwear – her choice) She also puts a list of housework on top.
I work my way through the list and report to my wife when I think I have finished. I then go on my hands and knees and follow her through the house while she inspects
If she thinks I’ve done well she rewards me. If I’ve done substandard work she punishes me. Oddly enough, either outcome involves a cane or short whip as I’m bent over the bed suitably exposed. Then I dress as a male and we carry on as usual
We’ve discussed my “kink” but not in any depth.. She says that if it makes me happy then she is content to oblige. She thinks of it more as a Contract. I’m satisfied – she gets a cleaner house.
I think that’s great. It sounds like you are engaging in your kinks in a happy and healthy relationship! I don’t have any judgement about people enjoying what they enjoy. I simply don’t want to actually encourage REAL insecurity and unhappiness in anyone.
I have thought a lot about questions like this recently. Perhaps my reflections will be helpful to you.
I’m very into the idea of being humiliated for a specific thing, X, which is something about me that I used to find shameful, but am learning to accept. (X is not being feminine or bisexual or gay or a woman. I am a cishet man.) X is something that, if I explained it as a kink, might cause a partner to be worried that they are reinforcing real insecurity and shame.
I think there have been two phases in my desire for erotic humiliation:
1. X is shameful and makes me a terrible person. Being humiliated and punished for X makes me feel better, because I am seen for what I am, and (somewhat) absolved.
2. Because of the work I’ve done, I am able to understand that X is not shameful. However, I’m not completely there yet. Every time I think about X, I have to do a lot of emotional work in my head to understand why X is ok and I am not a worthless person. Being humiliated for X allows me to rest from this work: while we are playing, I can forget about my hard-won understanding of X and my own story, and just accept the involuntary thoughts of shame and self-loathing. Yes, it might not seem very relaxing to succumb to shame and self-loathing, but I’m actually better (more practised) at doing that than at understanding and accepting X!
Perhaps the simple way of explaining it is that 1 provides relief because I can stop pretending to be a worthwhile person. 2 because I can stop reminding myself that I’m a worthwhile person.
From the point of view of a partner, it could be very difficult, maybe impossible, to distinguish between 1 and 2. Therefore, in my opinion, my partner could reassure themselves that I’m not deeply distressed, recklessly self-destructive, or undergoing a mental health crisis, but they are not responsible for my exact psychological state, what I make of the taboo play, or where I am in my journey.
In fact, I have found very empathetic partners who have been able to understand my desires as well as look out for my safety, often far beyond what I see as their duty of care. In a couple of cases I have told them in detail about X and how it relates to my kinky desires, and the compassion they have shown me is one of the things that has led me to get proper help and come to terms with X.
However, I expect that in the future, I will be able to explore X in play, without needing to explain all my history to a partner. I’m trying to figure out how to make it clear to a partner that I’m able to deal with a sensitive kink without trauma dumping or making them responsible for my own baggage.
Not sure I am there yet but looking forward to the journey!