Hello my Darling Deviants,
I have been quite off for a few days for several reasons, both physical and emotional. So, if you’ve been looking for me online, that’s why I haven’t been around. I will be around more after Christmas. I am trying to keep up with my blogging and writing and audio recordings. I will release another one soon. I also would like to start writing some more erotica. I have to feel in the mood.
I asked for questions, and I received! Someone asked me about maintaining a kink relationship when you live far away from someone. The question was:
“Thoughts on how to incorporate Femdom into a long distance relationship? I have previously had a relationship with a domme in the US while I was studying in Berlin and while it was fun to have cam sessions where I would edge and spank myself, the novelty wore off. There’s simply no replacing the physical connection between two people. Would be interesting to hear your take on it, especially with your foray into NiteFlirt and the world of virtual play.”
First, this is just my opinion. I haven’t had a relationship that was so long distance for such a length of time. I do see my partner about once every two weeks. It can be shorter. It is rarely longer. But that is very different than a relationship that’s on another continent.
You talked about trying to replicate physical connection, and I agree that if you’re trying to spank yourself, it’s probably not going to be nearly as exciting as having someone else do it. Why can’t you tickle yourself? It just doesn’t feel the same!
In that kind of situation, I would probably rely a lot more on mental connection. Orgasm control would be an excellent way to maintain that mental connection. You mentioned edging, so perhaps you did try that. But I would think in a situation like that, essentially turning your orgasms over to your partner would be hot–assuming she felt the same way.
Depending on how comfortable one was with the idea, I might also suggest playing with others (perhaps just for impact) and having to tell your partner all about it. That could be a way to get the physical kink you need and link it to the the mental connection with a partner.
My other suggestions would be fairly pedestrian.
- Creating a shared blog where you both post images, audios, videos you find sexy, and/or little notes or messages to each other.
- Obviously video chatting, which you mentioned.
- Creating small rituals. That every day at 3PM, you do something that shows you are thinking about your partner.
- That she picks out your clothes.
- Or creates an exercise routine for you that you must follow.
- That every Friday she expects some kind of gift from you, big or small–anything from expensive perfume to a sweet, handwritten note. This could really be whatever you want together, but the idea is to nourish that bond while you are apart.
- How about making some video porn for one another? Or audio? 😉
Of course, you also has to ask what she would be getting out of these activities. She has to want to do them and feel that it does something for her. Honestly, picking out my partner’s clothes feels tedious TO ME. Some people like it.
But I’m not sure that many of those suggestions are really that different than suggestions one would get for a vanilla LDR.
One thing that I think would be very important would be having a date where you knew you would see one another. Just having that date in mind, would give you something to look forward to and stave off disinterest. An interminable LDR seems extremely difficult to maintain, in my opinion.
I know there are women who virtually simulate physical kink, but I don’t. And the only reasons are that it’s loud and it feels a little silly TO ME. It would feel inauthentic.
What I generally do online and on the phone is use my words to create pictures. So, while I wouldn’t try to simulate the sounds of spanking, I might describe to someone how he was going to slowly pull down his pants and drape himself over my lap, prepared for my gloved hand to strike at any time. 😉 (That was kind of poetic. I’m not normally that poetic,.)
Anyway, I’m not sure how helpful that answer was. I know that I have used many of those suggestions in my own relationship, but two weeks a few hours away is lot different than American to Europe for an extended period of time.