When I started out as a top, I couldn’t understand why some people loved chastity devices. I could appreciate the concept of orgasm denial, especially as edging within a sex session. I had seen first-hand what denial could do to a man—make him beg and whimper and want, and I loved it! I loved the power and knowing that I had done that to him!
But I still couldn’t get behind the idea of stretching out orgasm denial for too long. It seemed cruel to me. And I certainly thought it was ridiculous that anyone would want to lock her partner’s cock up in a cage. I liked cock! Why would I want to lock it away so I couldn’t use it? I specifically remember having conversations about this with a D/s couple I knew, and I remember how surprised I was to learn that she unlocked him for sex, didn’t let him come, and then put his cock back in its cage.
I think a big reason I didn’t “get” it was that, at the time, I didn’t have a partner who was into the idea of chastity. It wasn’t appealing to him at all. Later, when I began experimenting with another partner, we gradually started playing with orgasm denial, which stretched out longer and longer, until one day I surprised him with a cheap cage I bought off the internet. It was a pink silicone one, and I bought it as more of a joke than anything else—something to scare him with a little and maybe to play with during a scene or two.
But what happened is that we both ended up finding it hot! Almost as soon as he put it on, he started feeling extra submissive and horny, and I loved his reaction. However, the cage was REALLY bad. It didn’t fit him properly at all. It was almost totally enclosed, which I didn’t like, because it made it hard for me to tease him in it. So, while we both liked the idea, we didn’t actually use it very much.
But a few months later, I decided to try again. This time I got a metal cage. It was a kind called a “bird cage,” because…it looks like a bird cage. It’s metal, and it has bars, so I could slip my fingers over his actual flesh while he was still caged up. It was more fun for teasing than the original cage, because he could enough through it to be exciting but not enough to orgasm. And, of course, he also couldn’t get a full erection!
This time we hit the jackpot! If the first cage had intrigued my partner, he couldn’t stop thinking about the second cage. He was nervous about wearing it for too long. We played with it in short bursts, deciding we would work up to him wearing it longer and longer, as he was comfortable. But when he had it on, he almost immediately started leaking pre-cum. He said it made him feel incredibly submissive, and he acted like an over-eager puppy dog, which I love. Even when he didn’t have the cage on, it was like he remembered it. Denial over a matter of days had the effect of making him ravenous for me, and just the idea of the cage multiplied it for him.
I don’t practice long term chastity with my submissive, at least not yet anyway. If I did, I would almost certainly get a custom cock cage made that was fitted especially for him, so it would be comfortable for long term use. There are several manufacturers who make them. The fabulous Monkey in a Cage Blog has a page of links with some recommendations on it. I almost universally hear from men and couples who are serious about chastity that they use custom made cages. There isn’t a lot of information from medical professionals about the long-term effects of chastity cages, so if I had a partner who wanted to use one for long stretches of time, I would make sure I got the best fitting one possible.
However, if you are just using playing with chastity during scenes or for a few hours at a time, here and there for excitement, the honest truth is that you either should choose to pay the fair amount of money to get a cage made for you or prepare to experiment by buying some stock different cages off the internet and seeing how they feel.
All cages suggest that you measure yourself. However, this can be confusing because you might not be sure what you are measuring. Obviously, you are measuring your flaccid cock. But the ring of the cage needs to fit behind your balls. So, you need to understand those measurements as well. Some cages have rings that come in two pieces. So, you fit them around your balls and use pegs to connect them like a jigsaw puzzle. Other cages, like the one we use now, have a solid ring that fits over your cock and balls like a cock ring.
What we found was that it took some trial and error. The cage that we are currently using is working well for the short amount of play time that we need it. It has a solid ring. However, I think the ring is still a little too small for either of us to feel comfortable with him wearing it for too long. And it’s the biggest size we found in the cheaper cages for purchase online. So, I think that if we decided to get more seriously into chastity play, we would want to invest in a custom cage that we felt was safer.