finding a domme

Creating a Domme Bait Profile on Fetlife (This is Way Less Creepy Than It Sounds.)

This picture suddenly seems weirdly kinky to me now.

Hello, My Darling Deviants!

I’ve written about Fetlife messages before, mostly the lame ones that get guys tossed in the trash bin.

Hello, Generic Mistress/Queen/Goddess,

It’s clear this is copy pasta and how can I serve you mmm….I’ll bet your pussy tastes so good. I love dominates. Cuckold my pathetic tiny penis, please.
Love, your pathetic servant forever.

PS.  I’ll do ANYTHING for you.  

Ha ha. I’m so mean.

It’s really the “dominate” that gets me. I feel like if you don’t know the difference between dominate and dominant, it’s not going to work between us.

BUT….I do digress!

Today, I’m NOT going to write about Fetlife messages. NO. I am going to write about Fetlife profiles, specifically for subby men. And I feel that I am qualified to do this because:

  1. My personal Fetlife profile is totally awesome. You’ll never get to see it. Sad for you.
  2. I met my BF on Fetlife because HE had an awesome profile that interested me. So, this is totally non-scientific anecdotal proof that you can meet toppy women on Fetlife if you seem interesting! (And cute. I mean, cute doesn’t hurt.)

So, what I wanted to talk about was my suggestions for subby guys creating a profile on Fetlife for the purposes of meeting women. (If that’s not what you care about, feel free to totally disregard and go on with your bad self.) I want to talk about some things to avoid, and some things I think make a good profile. Let’s dig in.

  1. No penis pictures. Out of the gate, this is just a no. MAYBE you can have one VERY artfully penis shot somewhere in your pictures, but you are slipping that one in under the radar. Under absolutely NO CIRCUMSTANCES ever, do you make that your profile pictures. Double no for a caged cock. Nobody cares. Double double triple no for your asshole. Plugged or unplugged. All it says is, “Serve my penis, please random woman.”
  2. I totally get that many people don’t want to show their faces on Fetlife. I have very few face pictures, and they are set to friends only. But if you can’t show your face, or part of your face (the smile is nice..or eyes), then try to show some kind of body shot with some personality. You don’t have to be hiking or skiing or do the popular yoga OKCupid poses, but you want your profile picture to give people some sense of your character.
  3. If you have a nice body, there’s no harm in showing it off. But not naked. You can have an artful naked pic or two in your pictures, but your profile picture should be clothed or at least wearing pants. I mean, unless you are totally hot. In which case, you don’t need any of this advice. Just be gorgeous. The ladies will flock. I am assuming you’re like a relatively normal looking person. I’m also even going to suggest NOT using fetish wear in your profile pic. I do love a cute boy in panties, but I don’t want to feel he’s leading with that.
  4. Pictures are great. They give people a sense of who you are. You can always include funny memes or pictures of things that are really important to you. Pets. Cars. Books. Hobbies. Remember that you’re trying to make connections with people. Give them something to identify with in your pictures and your words. I know it’s harder for me to be seductive in photos than women, but get a little familiar with filters and how to frame a shot. Women almost always are careful about the photos they present. You should be too.
  5. Okay. Let’s move past pictures and go to the actual profile now. The number one thing I DO NOT want you to do is lead with your kinks. Want to be approached by predatory women who aren’t actually interested in a relationship? Then make it clear that you aren’t either by ONLY focusing on how much you love bondage or cuckolding or SPH or chastity or whatever your kinks are. Yes. Fetlife is a kink site, but it’s like kinky Facebook. I can tell you that I don’t care at all if you like tease and denial if I see nothing else interesting about you as a person. I am not looking for a T&D object. I’m looking for a person I like who also happens to like T&D.
  6. Subby guys tend to make this mistake because….I don’t really know why. They get this idea that the woman they’re looking for has some kind of checklist in her head about the things she wants a partner to DO for her…how he can SERVE her. Now, I am not a service oriented domme, and I know I’m biased because of that. But I really believe that if you are looking for an actual relationship, you don’t want to be in one with a woman who only cares about the service you can provide to her and not about who you are as an actual person. So, I strongly suggest not listing off the things you want to DO for a domme. In fact, I strongly suggest not focusing on other people at all—but instead just focusing on what makes you an interesting person.
  7. So, that gets to the meat and potatoes. You talk about yourself. I know not everyone can be as witty as me. 😉 But you don’t really have to be witty or funny, although it doesn’t hurt. What you want to do is introduce yourself. Tell people a little about who you are and the things you like. Being specific is really good. Don’t just say, “I like watching TV and movies.” Say, “I like sci-fi. Star Trek over Star Wars forever.” Don’t just say, “I like music.” Say, “I have listened to the Hamilton soundtrack three times a day for over a year.” (That’s just me.) Whatever you say, just remember that you are looking to make connections—not in a creepy way. In a normal way. What do you look for when you meet other people? Things you have in common. Things you find interesting about them. You want to give people a chance to find those same things in you.

Well, this has gotten very long! I will follow up tomorrow with an example profile. I hope this helped. If you disagree with me—well, you are wrong. But you can free to tell me so. 😉

Have a great day and feel free to give me money if you land an amazing domme because of my ultimate wisdom. I’ll also take an invite to the wedding.

3 thoughts on “Creating a Domme Bait Profile on Fetlife (This is Way Less Creepy Than It Sounds.)”

  1. “It’s really the “dominate” that gets me. I feel like if you don’t know the difference between dominate and dominant, it’s not going to work between us.”

    Love this. Not to be a grammar nazi or anything but how many times do you get “your” when it should’ve been “you’re”? Or “to” when it should’ve been “too”? My personal favorites are the ones that refuse to use any semblance of grammar or punctuation whatsoever.

    The way people communicate with others tells a lot about themselves … whether they realize it or not. Thanks for the fun post. Hope to see you on Fetlife someday.

    1. Yeah, that’s a good point. Glass house, throwing stones. Mistakes do happen and that’s ok, but at least look into how grammar and punctuation works guys!

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