Okay. So, you found Fetlife, and you discovered there’s this entire world of kinky people out there! Which also means there’s an entire world of kinky submissive guys who want to be dominated and kinky femdommes who want to do it! But how do you meet these people? Are you really going to have to leave the safety of your house and your nice, non-judgmental computer?

Yes, indeed. You are going to step away from that computer, be brave and go to your first munch.

What is a munch anyway?

You don’t need to be afraid that there’s going to be a lot of visible latex and a cute lady holding a paddle at the door. (You also don’t need to get your hopes up!)

It’s basically just a group of kinky people getting together and talking.  (The term originally came from a burger munch.) Maybe there will be some eating and drinking too. There’s not going to be any leather or whips, and unfortunately, no one is probably going to offer to beat you in the bathroom. I’m not saying it could NEVER happen, but don’t count on it.

Munches are usually held in vanilla establishments like restaurants and bars, and group organizers realize that a lot of people don’t want to be outed as being kinky. So, they will generally go out of their way to give the group some kind of innocuous name or acronym and discourage loud talk about kink. You don’t need to be afraid that there’s going to be a lot of visible latex and a cute lady holding a paddle at the door. (You also don’t need to get your hopes up!)

In fact, don’t be surprised if you go to a munch and you don’t hear much talk about kink at all. People will talk about all kinds of things like their families, hobbies, politics, what they’ve been reading or watching on TV. But also don’t be surprised if some people don’t want to share too much information about their private lives. It will depend on the person and how comfortable they are being “out.”

I know it can be scary going to a munch. You’re new to all of this. You’re worried these people aren’t going to accept you. It IS a big step, but if you want to actually meet some kinky people offline, this is a good way to do it. So, here are five tips to help you survive your first munch.

1. Remember that these are just human beings. If you don’t already have friends in the kink Scene, you may imagine that kinky people who come out to socialize are going to be intimidating or weird. And, while there are definitely weird people in the Scene (you might be one of them), almost everyone you meet at a munch is going to be polite and friendly. Groups organizers want new people to come to their events. You will be surprised to see very stereotypically “normal” looking people at munches. You may see your high school math teacher there. That guy who fixed your computer last month? He’s definitely going to be there with his D@D set.
2. There are different kinds of “munches.” A munch is typically held at a restaurant. Most of the ones I’ve been to have been at long tables. People generally find a seat and stay there during the munch. But there are other kinds of gatherings that are similar to traditional munches. In some cities, you might find happy hour events or events held at bars or even game nights. Kinksters tend to avoid mixing alcohol and play for safety reasons, but there is usually no play at these kinds of social events. So, if a traditional munch isn’t for you, try similar opportunities for socialization that allow more movement.
3. Don’t worry if you feel like an outsider at first. Although people at munches are likely going to be nice to newbies, remember that a lot of people at them may know each other already. It’s not that they want to be rude or make you feel like you’re not included, but you might need to go on a regular basis to build up friendships and show you’re a polite and trustworthy person, and then soon you too will be part of the in-crowd.
4. Munches are a good place to learn more about your local Scene. Although Fetlife can tell you about events in your area, you will learn a lot more about what those events are actually like from real people. Although people at munches are generally pretty discreet, you can quietly ask people about upcoming events and get a sense of what’s popular and acceptable in your community and what’s not.
5. Don’t dismiss a munch just because you don’t see anyone “interesting” on the list of who is attending. Especially if you’re looking for a partner, it can be tempting to look at the list of who is planning to attend a munch and decide not to bother if you don’t see any hotties on the list. But this is a mistake for several reasons. First, kinksters tend to place a high value on reputation. If you get to know people in the community, it will be much easier to find play partners in general then if you’re a random person no one has actually met. Second, even if there isn’t anyone at the munch who you might see as relationship material, you might meet a new friend. And, as a bonus, maybe your new friend knows just the right dominant lady or submissive gentleman for you.

So, good luck and get munching! Burgers optional.

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