All of a sudden, I realized how MUCH I miss kink events. I mean all of them. The “vanilla” ones where I just hang out with people I like and flirt. God, I miss flirting! Just socializing with friends and getting to feel silly and drink a little too much (sometimes) and enjoy!
But also the play parties and kink cons! I miss them so much, and I am so sad that I don’t get to look forward to them as this winter approaches. They were opportunities for fun and fantasy and debauchery, and I got to put on my fantastic outfits and feel fabulous and go totally nuts. I didn’t go to play parties ALL the time, but I went enough that they were regular events that I looked forward to, and I feel like maybe I took them for granted. I hope that the venues survive the pandemic.
I don’t know why I didn’t miss them through last spring and summer and even this fall. I felt like I was getting the kink that I needed. And I felt like this was going to be over soon enough. But I guess the reality hit me that things likely won’t be back to any kind of normal before the summer, and that makes me sad.
I’ve decided to look forward to that time, though, and work on losing the COVID god knows how many so that when events do start happening again, I can feel sexy in all of my favorite fetish wear, especially because it will be summer. I want to feel comfortable with my body and really enjoy it.
I imagine that when we finally DO get to go back to events, they are going to be amazing because everyone is going to be insanely happy. I should spend a little of this time thinking about all of the things I want to do. My kinky bucket list for post-COVID bacchanalias should be long, and I want to do every one!
In the BDSM/Kink community, collars function as both accessories and statements of intent. If you’ve ever watched any BDSM porn, you’ve likely seen “slaves” in collars. And if you go to any kink events or hang out with kinky people, you will definitely see some people in collars.
But why they are wearing collars depends on the individual people and their relationships.
In kink, a collar functions as a symbol of ownership. Almost always, it is a submissive who wears a collar—not a dominant. (There’s probably an exception there somewhere, but I can’t think of one? If you can, let me know!)
It can function similarly to a ring. Some people even have “collaring ceremonies,” to make their power dynamic and their relationship a committed one. If someone wears his or her collar every day, the general public might not even notice since there are collars specifically designed to be discreet and not obviously look like something connected to BDSM.
Some people feel they need to be in a relationship with someone for enough time for them to “earn” their collar, so this can be a kind of positive reinforcement for submissives. If you meet someone and they say they are “collared by Mistress X,” you can probably assume they are in a D/s relationship in which Mistress X is in charge. Some people might even use “training collars,” and transition to a different collar as a dynamic progresses.
But lots of people in kink take collars less seriously. You will find people who collar themselves and say that they own themselves, which is an empowering statement!
I’m not sure how much of that is a deeply held belief or someone who just wants to wear a collar.:) Because some people can fetishize a collar itself, even if it doesn’t “belong” to another person. They might just like the way it feels around their neck, or it might put them in the mood to feel submissive, or they might just like the look. There are some very pretty collars!
And then you will usually see most people in kink using collars in that in between space. The submissive doesn’t wear the collar all the time because maybe it’s too obvious or maybe the people in the dynamic don’t have a 24/7 kind of relationship. A lot of couples will save collars for playtime and use them as a form of protocol for getting ready for a scene. It helps get both the dominant and the submissive in the right headspace to play, and they can also just be quite sexy!
All collars are not created equal. There are some that are very functional and can be used for hard play. There are some that lock and only the dominant has the key. Some are meant to be uncomfortable or restrictive. Others are soft and only use buckles, so the submissive can take the collar on or off himself. And some are almost purely decorative, much like a choker.
And, of course, a collar doesn’t have be a collar! And by that I mean that there are other things people can wear on their bodies that denote ownership or physically embody the connection between people. My partner has two bracelets and a locket with our pictures in that he periodically wears, especially at kink events.
I don’t own any collars FOR myself, although I have played in one or two before. I have gifted my submissive several collars. My favorite, and I think his, is soft pink and black leather and matches my cuff set. I also have a soft pink and black leather leash for it.
Another collar was purely for fun and had my name on it. He wore it to a kink event so everyone knew he was mine. And then I think a third had the word BRAT written on it—because I thought it was funny.