Femdom Porn I Know and Love

Not me. But I do like watching porn in my bathrobe.

I admit, I don’t watch A LOT of porn.

I mean, I probably watch more than the average woman. I’ve always had a theoretical interest in sex. I’m a bit of a sex nerd.

But like a lot of women, a lot of porn tends to leave me cold. There’s usually a lack of chemistry in professional porn, and it’s hard to find GOOD femdom porn in general, especially if you’re not into the divine bitch goddess down on your knees you slimy worm stuff. I would say that just like most porn in general is made for men, most femdom porn is also made for men and therefore caters to their fantasies.

In my opinion, this creates all kinds of problems when men who watch femdom porn want to enter in actual real life relationships with women into femdom because:

They either feel completely intimidated by the idea of a FEMDOM because they imagine women into it to all be whip wielding terrors who wear five inch stilettos and corsets to the grocery store and want to do terrible things to do them.

OR

They feel completely psyched by the idea of a FEMDOM because they imagine women into it to all be whip wielding terrors who wear five inch stilettos and corsets to the grocery store and want to do terrible things to do them.

Ahem. Ladies, you KNOW what I mean. Fetish dispenser much????

And they don’t realize that professional porn is professional porn and even if the women in them are into femdom off the screen, they also sometimes have bad period cramps and want to lie on the couch all day eating ice cream and binging Nailed It on Netflix or get lost driving somewhere out of town and have a breakdown on the side of the road asking themselves why they weren’t born with better spatial relation skills. (Ok. Maybe that one’s just me.)

And stilettos are super uncomfortable. Seriously. They look awesome. But every time I wear a pair, I’m sure I’m going to break an ankle and have to explain why at the emergency room and it’s all going to be embarrassing.

Where was I after ranting about femdom porn? I could go on. And on. So, I’ll stop myself.

In the slop that is the internet, there ARE a few femdom porn creators who I really like. I’m not talking about bloggers. There are some fantastic domme blogs out there like Ferns and OMissPearl, but they don’t create pornographic videos, as far as I’m aware. They do write some great erotica! Oof. And there’s this one book by author Charlotte Stein! I will definitely have to talk more about erotica and these women another day.

But right now I just want to focus on a few women who create femdom porn I like and WHY I like them so much. Please don’t think these are the ONLY options. They’re just my current favorites. And if you know more like them, OMG PLEASE TELL ME!

The first is MissAbbi (No space on Pornhub), otherwise known as the Fuzzy Domme. Why do I love MissAbbi? Well, first, she’s fuzzy. She always looks so comfortable. She does away with the stereotype that to be an effective domme, you must dress in uncomfortable clothes that are really stereotypes. MissAbbi is usually naked or wearing a fuzzy sweater or knee high socks. And sometimes she uses fuzzy mittens or booties on her toy, who is totally adorable. I wouldn’t necessarily say that all of her videos fall under the category of “gentle femdom,” but she definitely has a sort of sweet vibe like she really cares about her toy. There’s actual chemistry there, and I often find myself sending a video of two of her to my boy to tease him.

My second pick for femdom porn that turns me on is Velvet Veronica. You can probably tell I have a type. Veronica also has a very chill vibe about her and seems to really like playing with her “pet.” She says they’re in a relationship, which I think might also account for the real feeling of genuine energy between them. I think I also like that neither Abbi or Veronica show their faces. This lets me focus on the guy and his reactions, which is what I find hot.

Last, and what might have gotten me into femdom porn to begin with, is Klixen. She doesn’t have her own channel, and I don’t even know if she’s still making videos, but she is the handjob QUEEN. Unlike Abbi and Veronica, she does show her face in her videos, but it doesn’t detract from how hot her videos are. She is incredibly slow and restrained in her movements, and you can totally feel the desperation she inspires in the men she very sensually dominates. Klixen, I don’t know where you are, but come back! We need you!

I realize these are all white cis-women, and both Abbi and Veronica are young and quite slim. I would love to see more diversity in the femdom porn I watch, so feel free to send me recommendations. I do also sometimes see one offs that are completely amateur porn, but I didn’t want to include them here because I’m not sure those people would want the attention.

I could go on, but I think that’s enough for now. Don’t fall down the femdom porn wormhole, and remember that dommes are people too. They’re just very special people who are also gorgeous and smart and perfect and always right. Oh, yeah. That was also just me. 😉

*BTW, I was not paid for any of my recommendations in this blog entry. I legit just like what these women make. 

Yes, Femdom Porn is Fun. But Is It Really Real?

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I had known since I was a girl that I had kinky fantasies. Like a lot of women who realize they’re kinky, I started out believing that I was a submissive because I was a girl and girls are supposed to be demure and passive objects—or at least that’s what I thought. I was also exposed to submission in mainstream culture. Romance novels almost always feature the powerful man who seduces and conquers the innocent young women. Leading men in movies take the lead, and the supporting actresses follow.

The funny thing is that even back then I was attracted to the rare media images of seductive and powerful women. My favorites were vampire like figures like Morticia Addams, so controlled, queen of her castle, and Elvira, the bodacious late night horror host who was a funny temptress. I loved the idea of men swooning for me, teasing them and making them want to die with lust for me! It’s actually kind of funny when you realize that these women had to be literally supernatural to be portrayed as sexually in control and powerful….and not evil….although definitely a little devilish!

The funny thing is that even back then I was attracted to the rare media images of seductive and powerful women.

But it wasn’t until I was much older that I realized I was into dominating men. I had tried to add kink into my relationships as a submissive, but it didn’t go well because I only wanted to be “dominated” in the way I wanted to be “dominated.” The truth is that I didn’t want to be dominated at all. I wanted to be topped. But really, I liked having control too much to want to lose any of it.

When I did start dominating men, or topping them, depending on your definition of what domination means, my style didn’t look anything like what I had seen in porn movies. I had seen some femdom porn, and most of it featured model like women in black latex and leather treating men like they were both figuratively and literally above them. There was an attitude present that the women disliked these men and were both simultaneously giving them exactly what they wanted and punishing them for some unknown or unclear infraction at the same time.

Now I know that lots of men like this fantasy, but the idea that I would dislike or act like I disliked a man I wanted to do sexy things with seemed ridiculous. It was also largely unclear from these videos what the women were actually getting out of the scene. They didn’t seem to like their partners or what they were doing very much, and most of them weren’t even receiving any sexual stimulation. This didn’t feel like me at all. In fact, I didn’t associate myself with being a femdomme if that’s what femdom was.

When I did start dominating men, or topping them, depending on your definition of what domination means, my style didn’t look anything like what I had seen in porn movies.

Instead, I found that my style was teasing and silly. I found myself laughing a lot. I liked the reactions of my partners—making them moan and gasp and whimper and beg and knowing that it was because of me and what I was doing to them. It made me feel so powerful and desired. I found myself talking sweetly. I have discovered since then that my favorite tone is an affectionate yet slightly mocking one. I love the idea that my submissive or bottom knows I feel tenderly toward him but am also amused by his predicament.

With the rise of amateur porn, especially kinky Tumblr, god rest its soul, I gradually began to see new representations of female domination, ones that were closer to the things I liked, largely tease and denial and light sadism. Women and men had varied body shapes. The dommes weren’t all porn stars. In fact, most weren’t. Tumblr was where I learned that there was an entire community of people like me, who liked what was called gentle femdom. Unfortunately, Tumblr got rid of most X-rated material and that community has since scattered.

Tumblr was where I learned that there was an entire community of people like me, who liked what was called gentle femdom.

I do think that when most people take an interest in femdom, they are usually led first to these very stereotypical representations of what it looks like. Since the majority of porn is consumed by men, it’s clearly what porn producers think men want—although having talked to a lot of submissive men at this point, many don’t even like the fantasy of a nasty bitch goddess who demeans and humiliates them, let alone the reality.

Thankfully, amateur porn and individually produced porn has helped widen the understanding of what femdom can be. It’s harder at this point to say all femdom porn is terrible. It’s not. There’s some really good femdom porn out there that’s sexy and sweet and fairly realistic in that both of the people (or more) in the video seem to like doing what they’re doing together and there is mutual satisfaction. There’s even femdom porn showing dommes having sex with their subs, which of course happens all the time in real life, but is often left out of femdom porn because of some misguided belief that it makes the women less powerful.

At this point, what I would say is the major difference between femdom porn and actual sexy times between dommes and subs is the same difference between all porn and all sex not made for consumption. Porn is produced. Even most amateur porn is made with the intention to distribute it. Awkward spots can be cut out. There isn’t usually a conversation between the people about what they want and what they don’t want, what they’re in the mood for and what they’re not. The people tend to be very physically attractive, more so than the average. People playing with kink, whether it involves PIV sex or not, are doing it for their own fun and amusement whereas people in porn are generally doing it for the viewers’ fun and amusement.

At this point, what I would say is the major difference between femdom porn and actual sexy times between dommes and subs is the same difference between all porn and all sex not made for consumption. Porn is produced.

I think it’s fine to watch porn. I get ideas from it about things I might like to try. Sometimes it puts me and/or my partner in the mood.  Sometimes I just use it to titillate myself. But don’t forget that porn is porn. Whether you’re having vanilla sex or kinky sex, remember that it’s not necessarily going to look like what you see on your computer or your phone. But if you’re with someone you like and with whom you can communicate, one thousand to one, it’s going to be better!

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