I Wanna Wax You Up: Beginner Wax Play for Gentle Dommes

wax play for dommes

I remember going to my first big kink event and seeing all of the hot scenes going on in the dungeon around me. But one that caught my eye was literally—hot.  A woman had another woman splayed out naked on a massage table and was dripping hot wax all over her. The wax was in little pitchers, and each pitcher was filled with a different color of wax, so as it dripped onto the woman’s breasts and chest and legs, it was beautiful—kind of like one of those rainbow spin art paintings, except on a body. And the woman loved it. She squealed and moaned every time a new dribble of wax fell on her. She had a big audience. Wax play is very fun to watch.

I love the feeling of the heat and the surprise as it drips onto my body.

Since then, I have both bottomed and topped for wax play. It’s a favorite activity of mine to bottom for, although it can be messy. It’s good to be somewhere with a shower nearby when you’re done. Wax play doesn’t have to involve any power dynamics. When I’ve bottomed for it, I didn’t feel submissive. To me, it reminds me of a massage. I love the feeling of the heat and the surprise as it drips onto my body. I also love the feeling of having it peeled off of me when its dry. I consider it sensual play. However, how you would feel about it would depend on your relationship with your play partner.

When I’ve topped for wax play, once I’ve used a small taper candle set I bought in sex shop. I did that because I was traveling and didn’t want to drag a bunch of candles around. (Honestly, it didn’t work that well.) The other times I’ve used premade candle pitchers specifically crafted for kinky play. I’ve seen one person actually lug a crock pot into the dungeon to keep a large quantity of wax hot and literally ladle it out onto the bottom. I have to admit that I think it would feel amazing. But I’m not sure how safe it is. It’s certainly not something I would try without a lesson from an expert.

Wax play isn’t considered “beginner” kink because there is the potential to burn someone. But, overall, I think it’s pretty safe if you are communicating well with your bottom and understand the different kinds of wax and the temperatures at which they melt. But you ARE dripping hot liquid on someone’s body! And this involves fire! Have a fire extinguisher and some water close by just in case and watch where you’re playing.

Wax play isn’t considered “beginner” kink because there is the potential to burn someone.

Also, people have various tolerances for pain. For example, I think wax play feels delicious. It doesn’t hurt me at all. But my partner and I tried it twice, and each time he had to quickly stop. For him, the pain was much greater, and it was unpleasant pain. He hated it. So, don’t make assumptions, even if it’s something you’ve tried yourself and enjoyed. In fact, that advice goes for pretty much everything in kink!

So, let’s review some basics if you want to try out wax play.

  • You generally want to use soy candles or paraffin candles, which melt at lower temperatures. Don’t just use any old candles you buy at the store, especially scented ones. You don’t know what additives are in them and if they could hurt someone’s skin. Although you want to be vigilant with any vendor, I’ve bought some great kinky candles off of Etsy. I’ve also purchased some at kink events where the sellers were present, and I could ask them questions. They generally come in pillars or pitchers. This is a vendor I’ve used before.
  • Wax is messy. It’s really messy. Do not do this on your bedsheets if you want to keep using your bedsheets. I suggest going to the Dollar Store and buying cheap plastic shower curtains that you can throw away when you’re done. Also, no matter how much of the wax you think you’ve peeled off, some with inevitably fall on the floor when your bottom stands up. Even after a shower, he or she will find wax someplace on their body two days later.
  • The closer to the skin, the hotter the wax. You want to hold the wax far away enough from the person’s skin that it has a little time to cool before it hits the body. But you don’t want to be so far away that it splashes.  People say around 18 inches is a good height, but, obviously keep checking in with your bottom to see how that feels. Also make sure not to let wax pool in crevices, like belly buttons.
  • Don’t put wax on people’s faces. The skin there is very sensitive. And you would never accidentally want to get wax in someone’s eyes. In fact, using a blindfold on someone when you’re playing with wax can be exciting and sexy. The bottom will be extra aware of the sensations, and you’re also protecting their eyes.
  • Hair. Hair. Hair. Doing wax play on men can be less fun on men than on women because—well—anyone who has ever had any hair waxed knows why. The wax goes on. It also has to come off. And when wax comes off hair, it pulls. If a man is interested in trying wax play, I would suggest that you choose a spot on his body that isn’t hairy. And if he’s just hairy all over, he should probably shave beforehand. Only he can decide if it’s worth the itchiness as the hair grows back.
  • Oil. I would also suggest that no matter how smooth your bottom is, you start with a layer of massage oil because it will make the wax easier to remove when you’re done.
  • Removal. Removing the wax is a lot of fun. You can use your hands or a dull knife or palatte knife made for painting. I’ve seen people flog the wax off, although—mess. Remember. It’s messy. 
  • Have a fire extinguisher or at the very least some cool water present. A fire is unlikely, but you never know. And if you accidentally burn your partner with the wax, some cool water can quickly take down the heat.
  • Keep your lines of communication open. As I said before, people have a wide variety of reactions to temperature play. What can feel good to one person, can feel very painful to another. Continue to monitor your bottom throughout the scene to make sure you’re not burning them or that the sensations are too much for them.
  1. Aftercare. In addition to the regular aftercare you might do after a scene, a warm shower is practically a necessity, especially if you’ve used massage oil. And some aloe vera or non-scented moisturizer would be nice to have on hand in case your bottom’s skin is a little irritated.

These are just some of the basics when it comes to wax play. There are a lot of other things you can do with wax, like paint on people’s skin with it or use ice cubes to intensify the sensations and cool the wax.  It’s one of my favorite kinds of play that I don’t do very often because I don’t like the cleanup, but it can be very erotic, especially if you’re a sensual domme or sub.

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