Three Sexy Gentle Femdom Role Plays for Novice Dommes and Subs

woman tight leather pants

Some people love role play. It helps them really sink into the headspace they’re looking for and helps them get over their insecurities. Some people find it embarrassingly hard to stay in character. But whether if you’re into role playing or just want to give it a try, gentle femdom has a few really fun tropes to play with when it comes to women dominating men sweetly—but effectively!

  1. Teacher and Student. Ah! The tried and true power dynamic that probably stems from some cute teacher you had back in middle school who made you a little excited every time she bent over the desk to look at your paper. This is also a great role play for people who enjoy a nurturing but slightly strict power exchange but aren’t quite up for the taboo of mommy and little boy.  There’s so much to say about this kind of role play. Maybe you’ve not been doing well in school and teacher needs to keep you after class to give you some extra “tutoring?” Or maybe she notices you’ve been rather distracted lately and having trouble paying attention to your lessons, and she thinks some discipline could help you concentrate. After all, it must be challenging to study when you keep getting erections all the time. Let her help you with that problem. She wants you to succeed! And, what sexy teacher doesn’t have a ruler at hand, for bending over bad boys who end up in detention? This kind of role play can be as nurturing or as harsh as you like, depending on whether you’re a good student who just needs some extra help or a bad one who has tested teacher’s patience for far too long!
  2. Mommy and Little Boy. This is a loaded role play, despite the popularity of Daddy Doms in the kink community. A Mommy Domme just seems naughtier, maybe because of all the intimate associations we have with our real mothers. This kind of role play is very popular with age players, people who like to pretend that they are a younger age than they are. (This needs its own article to fully explain. So, let’s not get too deep here.) And although some people are really into the PRETEND idea of a mommy and a very little boy, it’s easy to make this kind of role play less taboo if you’re not comfortable with that kind of fantasy. You can even switch it out for governess and her charge if the word “mommy” is too much. The gist of this kind of role play is that the woman takes on the role as the man’s caregiver. Mother figures are extremely powerful. Those of us with good relationships with our own mothers tend to associate them with a nurturing form of power that’s in our own best interest—making us do our homework when we don’t want to, or eat our fruits and veggies instead of candy bars. Those of us with bad associations…well…that kind of play might be better suited for a harsher form of femdom. A mommy domme can do anything from distribute punishments (funishments) for bad behavior to take care of her good boy, giving him a (naughty) bath or teaching him about his changing body. Ooh la la. 
  3. Sexy Librarian and her Patron. So far, the role plays suggested focus on some age play. This is a natural phenomenon in kink because we tend to think of older people as more powerful, especially when we’re young, or just pretending we are. But if you’re not interested in age play, there are still some way to role play with gentle femdom where the man and woman are on a level playing field—in terms of age. We know who’s really on top. Don’t we? For some reason, the idea of the buttoned up librarian with her bun and her glasses who is secretly wild is super hot. Isn’t it? In this role play, the woman can play the part of the stern librarian who takes her job seriously but is in some desperate need of satisfaction. Maybe you happen to find her in the stacks, her hands on herself instead of the books. In her need, she basically attacks you, loosening her bun so her hair falls around her shoulders, throwing off her glasses (not really…don’t want to break those if they’re prescriptions) and pushing you up against the books to have her way with you. Of course, she needs you to be quiet! She wouldn’t want to lose her job. So, don’t be surprised if she covers your mouth or sticks her fingers in them. A repressed woman can be so hungry! Can’t she?

There are lots of other similar tropes you can play with if you’re exploring gentle femdom role play. A few similar ones could be the boss evaluating her employee or the casting agent and the young stud trying out for an important role. The major difference between gentle femdom role play and other role plays people use in BDSM is that the tone should be affectionate and teasing rather than cruel. 

And remember. Use your words! They’re hot!

I Wanna Wax You Up: Beginner Wax Play for Gentle Dommes

wax play for dommes

I remember going to my first big kink event and seeing all of the hot scenes going on in the dungeon around me. But one that caught my eye was literally—hot.  A woman had another woman splayed out naked on a massage table and was dripping hot wax all over her. The wax was in little pitchers, and each pitcher was filled with a different color of wax, so as it dripped onto the woman’s breasts and chest and legs, it was beautiful—kind of like one of those rainbow spin art paintings, except on a body. And the woman loved it. She squealed and moaned every time a new dribble of wax fell on her. She had a big audience. Wax play is very fun to watch.

I love the feeling of the heat and the surprise as it drips onto my body.

Since then, I have both bottomed and topped for wax play. It’s a favorite activity of mine to bottom for, although it can be messy. It’s good to be somewhere with a shower nearby when you’re done. Wax play doesn’t have to involve any power dynamics. When I’ve bottomed for it, I didn’t feel submissive. To me, it reminds me of a massage. I love the feeling of the heat and the surprise as it drips onto my body. I also love the feeling of having it peeled off of me when its dry. I consider it sensual play. However, how you would feel about it would depend on your relationship with your play partner.

When I’ve topped for wax play, once I’ve used a small taper candle set I bought in sex shop. I did that because I was traveling and didn’t want to drag a bunch of candles around. (Honestly, it didn’t work that well.) The other times I’ve used premade candle pitchers specifically crafted for kinky play. I’ve seen one person actually lug a crock pot into the dungeon to keep a large quantity of wax hot and literally ladle it out onto the bottom. I have to admit that I think it would feel amazing. But I’m not sure how safe it is. It’s certainly not something I would try without a lesson from an expert.

Wax play isn’t considered “beginner” kink because there is the potential to burn someone. But, overall, I think it’s pretty safe if you are communicating well with your bottom and understand the different kinds of wax and the temperatures at which they melt. But you ARE dripping hot liquid on someone’s body! And this involves fire! Have a fire extinguisher and some water close by just in case and watch where you’re playing.

Wax play isn’t considered “beginner” kink because there is the potential to burn someone.

Also, people have various tolerances for pain. For example, I think wax play feels delicious. It doesn’t hurt me at all. But my partner and I tried it twice, and each time he had to quickly stop. For him, the pain was much greater, and it was unpleasant pain. He hated it. So, don’t make assumptions, even if it’s something you’ve tried yourself and enjoyed. In fact, that advice goes for pretty much everything in kink!

So, let’s review some basics if you want to try out wax play.

  • You generally want to use soy candles or paraffin candles, which melt at lower temperatures. Don’t just use any old candles you buy at the store, especially scented ones. You don’t know what additives are in them and if they could hurt someone’s skin. Although you want to be vigilant with any vendor, I’ve bought some great kinky candles off of Etsy. I’ve also purchased some at kink events where the sellers were present, and I could ask them questions. They generally come in pillars or pitchers. This is a vendor I’ve used before.
  • Wax is messy. It’s really messy. Do not do this on your bedsheets if you want to keep using your bedsheets. I suggest going to the Dollar Store and buying cheap plastic shower curtains that you can throw away when you’re done. Also, no matter how much of the wax you think you’ve peeled off, some with inevitably fall on the floor when your bottom stands up. Even after a shower, he or she will find wax someplace on their body two days later.
  • The closer to the skin, the hotter the wax. You want to hold the wax far away enough from the person’s skin that it has a little time to cool before it hits the body. But you don’t want to be so far away that it splashes.  People say around 18 inches is a good height, but, obviously keep checking in with your bottom to see how that feels. Also make sure not to let wax pool in crevices, like belly buttons.
  • Don’t put wax on people’s faces. The skin there is very sensitive. And you would never accidentally want to get wax in someone’s eyes. In fact, using a blindfold on someone when you’re playing with wax can be exciting and sexy. The bottom will be extra aware of the sensations, and you’re also protecting their eyes.
  • Hair. Hair. Hair. Doing wax play on men can be less fun on men than on women because—well—anyone who has ever had any hair waxed knows why. The wax goes on. It also has to come off. And when wax comes off hair, it pulls. If a man is interested in trying wax play, I would suggest that you choose a spot on his body that isn’t hairy. And if he’s just hairy all over, he should probably shave beforehand. Only he can decide if it’s worth the itchiness as the hair grows back.
  • Oil. I would also suggest that no matter how smooth your bottom is, you start with a layer of massage oil because it will make the wax easier to remove when you’re done.
  • Removal. Removing the wax is a lot of fun. You can use your hands or a dull knife or palatte knife made for painting. I’ve seen people flog the wax off, although—mess. Remember. It’s messy. 
  • Have a fire extinguisher or at the very least some cool water present. A fire is unlikely, but you never know. And if you accidentally burn your partner with the wax, some cool water can quickly take down the heat.
  • Keep your lines of communication open. As I said before, people have a wide variety of reactions to temperature play. What can feel good to one person, can feel very painful to another. Continue to monitor your bottom throughout the scene to make sure you’re not burning them or that the sensations are too much for them.
  1. Aftercare. In addition to the regular aftercare you might do after a scene, a warm shower is practically a necessity, especially if you’ve used massage oil. And some aloe vera or non-scented moisturizer would be nice to have on hand in case your bottom’s skin is a little irritated.

These are just some of the basics when it comes to wax play. There are a lot of other things you can do with wax, like paint on people’s skin with it or use ice cubes to intensify the sensations and cool the wax.  It’s one of my favorite kinds of play that I don’t do very often because I don’t like the cleanup, but it can be very erotic, especially if you’re a sensual domme or sub.